Job Interview Breakdown
Have you ever been a victim of a JIB (job interview breakdown)? These men and women have:
• “I was so nervous at a job interview, when he asked me what I wanted to be in five years, I said, ‘Race car driver.’”
• “The guy asked me to tell him a little about myself, and I literally forgot who I was.”
• “I got asked about punctuality. I went on about how it was good to speak clearly and politely, and it was nice to use proper grammar in speech and writing.”
Overheard in the ER
“Patient in to ER at 0400 with no complaints: ‘I have been having chest pain for 4 months but I am not having chest pain now. The reason I’m here now is because I heard that 4am is the best time to come cause there are not that many people.’ ”
“Had a woman call 911 because she ‘had déjà vu in the shower and got nervous.’”
“Got a frantic call from a woman who claimed she had overdosed and needed help immediately. We arrive on scene, and she hands us an empty mint container, saying she took them all. That night she learned that you cannot overdose on mints.”
Mechanical Kid
When my grandson, Jimmy, was 4 or 5, we asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. “I want to be a machine,” he said without hesitation.
Shorts
My friend, an intern, was given $50 to get the chairman of the bank some lunch. Told to get himself something, he bought a shirt.
The closest a person ever comes to perfection is when he fills out a job application form.
-Businessman Stanley Randall
People who think 3D-printable guns will make guns free have obviously never paid for a printer refill cartridge.
@SethMacFarlane
• “I was so nervous at a job interview, when he asked me what I wanted to be in five years, I said, ‘Race car driver.’”
• “The guy asked me to tell him a little about myself, and I literally forgot who I was.”
• “I got asked about punctuality. I went on about how it was good to speak clearly and politely, and it was nice to use proper grammar in speech and writing.”
-dailymail.co.uk
Overheard in the ER
“Patient in to ER at 0400 with no complaints: ‘I have been having chest pain for 4 months but I am not having chest pain now. The reason I’m here now is because I heard that 4am is the best time to come cause there are not that many people.’ ”
“Had a woman call 911 because she ‘had déjà vu in the shower and got nervous.’”
“Got a frantic call from a woman who claimed she had overdosed and needed help immediately. We arrive on scene, and she hands us an empty mint container, saying she took them all. That night she learned that you cannot overdose on mints.”
Mechanical Kid
When my grandson, Jimmy, was 4 or 5, we asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. “I want to be a machine,” he said without hesitation.
When we asked him why, he explained, “Well, you can replace the parts in a machine when they wear out.”
Shorts
My friend, an intern, was given $50 to get the chairman of the bank some lunch. Told to get himself something, he bought a shirt.
The closest a person ever comes to perfection is when he fills out a job application form.
-Businessman Stanley Randall
People who think 3D-printable guns will make guns free have obviously never paid for a printer refill cartridge.
@SethMacFarlane
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