This Way or That Way
A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached
Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town.
Surprise!
The Captain
Shorts
They
argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the
husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please
settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very
slowly?" She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing."
Surprise!
Four men are in the
hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse
approaches the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You're the father
of twins.” “That's odd,” answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota
Twins!”
A nurse then yells the second man, “Congratulations! You're the father of triplets!” “That's weird,” answers the second man. “I work for the 3M company!”
A nurse goes up to the third man saying, “Congratulations! You're the father of quadruplets." “That's strange,” he answers. “I work for the Four Seasons hotel!”
The last man begins groaning and banging his head against the wall. “What's wrong?” the others ask. “I work for 7-Up!”
A nurse then yells the second man, “Congratulations! You're the father of triplets!” “That's weird,” answers the second man. “I work for the 3M company!”
A nurse goes up to the third man saying, “Congratulations! You're the father of quadruplets." “That's strange,” he answers. “I work for the Four Seasons hotel!”
The last man begins groaning and banging his head against the wall. “What's wrong?” the others ask. “I work for 7-Up!”
The Captain
A Spanish captain was
walking on his ship when a soldier rushes to him and exclaims, "An enemy
ship is approaching us!" The captain replies calmly, "Go get my red
shirt."
The soldier gets the shirt for the
captain. The enemy ship comes in and heavy rounds of fire are
exchanged. Finally, the Spaniards win. The soldier asks, "Congrats sir,
but why the red shirt?"
The captain replies, "If I got injured, my blood shouldn't be seen, as I didn't want my men to lose hope."
Just
then, another soldier runs up and says, "Sir, we just spotted another
twenty enemy ships!" The captain calmly replies, "Go bring my yellow
pants."
Shorts
I'm glad we own 10,000 stuffed animals so my toddler can fall asleep cuddling a jar of peanuts.
@XplodingUnicorn
@XplodingUnicorn
The
Roomba vacuum cleaner just beat me to a piece of popcorn I dropped on
the floors & this is how the war against the machines begins.
@AndyAsAdjective
When
parents says to their kids, "go to your room & think about what
you've done" it's really good practice for what you'll do every night as
an adult.
@tastefactory
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