Scotch Drinkers
I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle, bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in the bicycle basket.
As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bicycle, the bottle would break.
So I drank all the Scotch before I cycled home.
It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home.
Another Golf Joke
A man and a woman meet in a bar and fall madly in love. So much so, in fact, that just a week later they decide to get married.
After the ceremony, the guy says to his new bride, "I've a confession to make -I'm completely obsessed with golf. I eat, sleep, and breathe it. I hope you don't hate me for it."
The woman looks at her new husband and says, "I could never hate you, but I have a confession as well. I'm a hooker."
The man gets a pained look on his face, and after a long pause says, "Well... show me your stance."
A Home Affair
My client buys many rental properties, not always with the enthusiastic support of his wife.
Recently, I was showing him a home when his wife called. I could hear her ask what he was doing.
“The real estate agent and I are having an affair.” he answered.
“Oh, thank God.” she said. “I thought she was selling you another house.”
Ms. Black Thumb
There are people who have green thumbs. And then there’s me, Ms. Black Thumb.
I didn’t think anyone else noticed until the day my sister visited.
“I found this in the yard.” she said, handing me a potted plant as she came in the door.
“I think the wind blew it off your deck.”
“It wasn’t the wind,” my husband joked. “It jumped.”
A Reluctant Adopter
My grandmother called to tell me she’d gotten an email account.
“Great,” I said. “Send me a message so I’ll have your email address.”
I waited and waited, but she never sent it.
Several days later, an envelope arrived—Grandma had written her info on a piece of paper and mailed it to me.
Bad Bedside Manner
I recently learned a valuable lesson regarding what not to say to patients.
At our large hospital, I watched as a nursing assistant pushed an elderly woman in a wheelchair.
As he opened the door leading from the clinic into the hospital wing, the patient looked confused.
“Where are we?” she asked.
The nursing assistant gently explained, “We’ve gone over to the other side.”
Shorts and Late Night
Our computers went down at work today, so we had to do everything manually.
It took me twenty minutes to shuffle the cards for Solitaire.
What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.
I used to be a banker but I lost interest.
My boss asked me to make a presentation and said I should start it with a joke. So I put my pay slip on the first slide.
I had to fire my acupuncturist. It turned out they were a back-stabber.
I used to be a train driver but I got side-tracked.
What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?
The caterer.
Don't just sit there smiling, share it with the rest of the class ---- Send us your humor BFloyd@ElectricSmarts.com
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CLICK HERE to subscribe.
As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bicycle, the bottle would break.
So I drank all the Scotch before I cycled home.
It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home.
Another Golf Joke
A man and a woman meet in a bar and fall madly in love. So much so, in fact, that just a week later they decide to get married.
After the ceremony, the guy says to his new bride, "I've a confession to make -I'm completely obsessed with golf. I eat, sleep, and breathe it. I hope you don't hate me for it."
The woman looks at her new husband and says, "I could never hate you, but I have a confession as well. I'm a hooker."
The man gets a pained look on his face, and after a long pause says, "Well... show me your stance."
A Home Affair
My client buys many rental properties, not always with the enthusiastic support of his wife.
Recently, I was showing him a home when his wife called. I could hear her ask what he was doing.
“The real estate agent and I are having an affair.” he answered.
“Oh, thank God.” she said. “I thought she was selling you another house.”
Ms. Black Thumb
There are people who have green thumbs. And then there’s me, Ms. Black Thumb.
I didn’t think anyone else noticed until the day my sister visited.
“I found this in the yard.” she said, handing me a potted plant as she came in the door.
“I think the wind blew it off your deck.”
“It wasn’t the wind,” my husband joked. “It jumped.”
A Reluctant Adopter
My grandmother called to tell me she’d gotten an email account.
“Great,” I said. “Send me a message so I’ll have your email address.”
I waited and waited, but she never sent it.
Several days later, an envelope arrived—Grandma had written her info on a piece of paper and mailed it to me.
Bad Bedside Manner
I recently learned a valuable lesson regarding what not to say to patients.
At our large hospital, I watched as a nursing assistant pushed an elderly woman in a wheelchair.
As he opened the door leading from the clinic into the hospital wing, the patient looked confused.
“Where are we?” she asked.
The nursing assistant gently explained, “We’ve gone over to the other side.”
Shorts and Late Night
Our computers went down at work today, so we had to do everything manually.
It took me twenty minutes to shuffle the cards for Solitaire.
What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.
I used to be a banker but I lost interest.
My boss asked me to make a presentation and said I should start it with a joke. So I put my pay slip on the first slide.
I had to fire my acupuncturist. It turned out they were a back-stabber.
I used to be a train driver but I got side-tracked.
What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?
The caterer.
Don't just sit there smiling, share it with the rest of the class ---- Send us your humor BFloyd@ElectricSmarts.com
You are reading the best eNewsletter in the Industry. It is filled with Business Ideas, Product and Technology Tips, Web TV interview, links to Online Courses; and it always contains a few laughs to lighten your day. Sign up your employees or friends below, or send us a list complete with their name, title and email, and we'll sign them up for you.
CLICK HERE to subscribe.
