The Half-Wit
A man owned a small ranch near Sheridan, Wyoming. The Wyoming Labor
Department got a tip that he was not paying proper wages to his help and
sent an investigator out to interview him.
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them." demanded the investigator.
"Well," replied the rancher, "there's my ranch hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1200 a week plus free room and board."
"The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $1000 per week plus free room and board."
"Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day, with no days off, and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week and pays his own room and board."
"But, I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night, and he also sleeps with my wife occasionally."
"That's the guy I want to talk to... the half-wit." says the investigator.
"You're talking to him." replied the rancher.
Murphy's Laws on Work
Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous".
Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.
Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over.
If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
No one gets sick on Wednesdays.
The longer the title, the less important the job.
Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives.
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.
Success is just a matter of luck, just ask any failure.
It's a Very Simple Operation
A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation.
"What's the matter?" he was asked.
He said, "I heard the nurse say, "It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right."
"She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?"
"She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor."
Shorts
A man stopped at his favorite watering hole after a hard days work to relax. He noticed a man next to him ordered a shot and a beer.
The man drank the shot, chased it with the beer and then looked into his shirt pocket. This continued several times before the man's curiosity got the best of him.
He leaned over to the guy and said, "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice your little ritual, why in the world do you look into your shirt pocket every time you drink your shot & beer"?
The man replied, "There's a picture of my wife in there, and when she starts lookin' good, I'm headin' home!"
===
The FDA has announced plans to clamp down on food labeling that may mislead consumers into thinking food is more nutritious than it really is.
Is that really going to work? "Oh look at the label Honey; turns out these chocolate doughnuts aren't as nutritious as I thought they were."
===
President Obama hosted a conference of all the Native-American tribes yesterday.
I don't want to say the U.S. economy is in bad shape, but Obama told the Indians, "Look - you can have the country back."
===
In South Korea, a scientist considered to be one of the pioneers in the field of cloning has been sentenced to two years in prison.
At least, they think it's him...
More Shorts
In Florida, 27-year-old Joel Waul took six years to construct the world record ball made out of rubber bands, at 6 feet, 7 inches tall and over 9,000 lbs.
And here's the best part girls: he's still single.
- Alex Kaseberg
Congress voted Thursday to impose a forty-five percent tax on all estates over three million dollars.
It just never ends. The only difference between death and taxes is that Congress can't think of a way to make death any worse than it already is.
- Argus Hamilton
A new study from Purina found that house cats spend about 22 percent of their days looking out windows, 12 percent of their days playing with other pets, 8 percent climbing on chairs and just 6 percent sleeping.
The study also found that cats had the exact same schedule as Joe Biden.
- Jimmy Fallon
The best pickup line at the Copenhagen global warming summit?
"Is it getting hotter, or is it just you?"
- David Letterman
Don't just sit there smiling, share it with the rest of the class ---- Send us your humor BFloyd@ElectricSmarts.com
You are reading the best eNewsletter in the Industry. It is filled with Business Ideas, Product and Technology Tips, Web TV interview, links to Online Courses; and it always contains a few laughs to lighten your day. Sign up your employees or friends below, or send us a list complete with their name, title and email, and we'll sign them up for you.
CLICK HERE to Subscribe
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them." demanded the investigator.
"Well," replied the rancher, "there's my ranch hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1200 a week plus free room and board."
"The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $1000 per week plus free room and board."
"Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day, with no days off, and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week and pays his own room and board."
"But, I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night, and he also sleeps with my wife occasionally."
"That's the guy I want to talk to... the half-wit." says the investigator.
"You're talking to him." replied the rancher.
Murphy's Laws on Work
Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous".
Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.
Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over.
If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
No one gets sick on Wednesdays.
The longer the title, the less important the job.
Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives.
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.
Success is just a matter of luck, just ask any failure.
It's a Very Simple Operation
A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation.
"What's the matter?" he was asked.
He said, "I heard the nurse say, "It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right."
"She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?"
"She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor."
Shorts
A man stopped at his favorite watering hole after a hard days work to relax. He noticed a man next to him ordered a shot and a beer.
The man drank the shot, chased it with the beer and then looked into his shirt pocket. This continued several times before the man's curiosity got the best of him.
He leaned over to the guy and said, "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice your little ritual, why in the world do you look into your shirt pocket every time you drink your shot & beer"?
The man replied, "There's a picture of my wife in there, and when she starts lookin' good, I'm headin' home!"
===
The FDA has announced plans to clamp down on food labeling that may mislead consumers into thinking food is more nutritious than it really is.
Is that really going to work? "Oh look at the label Honey; turns out these chocolate doughnuts aren't as nutritious as I thought they were."
===
President Obama hosted a conference of all the Native-American tribes yesterday.
I don't want to say the U.S. economy is in bad shape, but Obama told the Indians, "Look - you can have the country back."
===
In South Korea, a scientist considered to be one of the pioneers in the field of cloning has been sentenced to two years in prison.
At least, they think it's him...
More Shorts
In Florida, 27-year-old Joel Waul took six years to construct the world record ball made out of rubber bands, at 6 feet, 7 inches tall and over 9,000 lbs.
And here's the best part girls: he's still single.
- Alex Kaseberg
Congress voted Thursday to impose a forty-five percent tax on all estates over three million dollars.
It just never ends. The only difference between death and taxes is that Congress can't think of a way to make death any worse than it already is.
- Argus Hamilton
A new study from Purina found that house cats spend about 22 percent of their days looking out windows, 12 percent of their days playing with other pets, 8 percent climbing on chairs and just 6 percent sleeping.
The study also found that cats had the exact same schedule as Joe Biden.
- Jimmy Fallon
The best pickup line at the Copenhagen global warming summit?
"Is it getting hotter, or is it just you?"
- David Letterman
Don't just sit there smiling, share it with the rest of the class ---- Send us your humor BFloyd@ElectricSmarts.com
You are reading the best eNewsletter in the Industry. It is filled with Business Ideas, Product and Technology Tips, Web TV interview, links to Online Courses; and it always contains a few laughs to lighten your day. Sign up your employees or friends below, or send us a list complete with their name, title and email, and we'll sign them up for you.
CLICK HERE to Subscribe
