The Counterfeiter
A counterfeiter decided that the easiest way to pass off his phony $18
bills would be to unload them in some small rural town, so he drove
until he found a tiny town with a single general merchandise store.
He entered the store, went up to the counter, and handed one of the bogus bills to the man behind the counter. "Could you change this for me, please?"
The store clerk looked at the bill for a few seconds then smiled at the man. "Of course I can. Would you prefer two $9 bills or three $6 bills?"
The Burglar
A woman went into her kitchen to find a burglar loaded down with a bunch of stuff he was stealing from her kitchen. Not having any kind of weapon to scare him off, she raised her hand and said "Acts 2:38," and proceeded to quote scripture.
The burglar froze in place and didn't move. The woman called 911; the police arrived and were amazed to find the burglar still frozen where he stood.
"What did you say to him that kept him from moving?" they asked the woman.
She told them that she had simply said Acts 2:38 and quoted scripture.
The police chuckled and escorted the burglar out to the patrol car. "Why did the woman's quoting scripture scare you so much?" they asked.
"Scripture?" said the burglar, "I thought she said she had an ax and two 38's!
Shorts
Good news! If I ever leave my 7-year-old "home alone" it will be at least 10 hours before he looks up from the iPad and realizes everybody's gone.
@dadandburied
I'm up for any New Year's Eve party as long as it starts at six, ends by eight, and doesn't require real pants.
@AbbyHasIssues
Every New Year I resolve to lose 20 pounds, and I do. The problem is that I gain 30.
- Melanie White
New Year’s Eve, when auld acquaintances be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive.
- Jay Leno
He entered the store, went up to the counter, and handed one of the bogus bills to the man behind the counter. "Could you change this for me, please?"
The store clerk looked at the bill for a few seconds then smiled at the man. "Of course I can. Would you prefer two $9 bills or three $6 bills?"
The Burglar
A woman went into her kitchen to find a burglar loaded down with a bunch of stuff he was stealing from her kitchen. Not having any kind of weapon to scare him off, she raised her hand and said "Acts 2:38," and proceeded to quote scripture.
The burglar froze in place and didn't move. The woman called 911; the police arrived and were amazed to find the burglar still frozen where he stood.
"What did you say to him that kept him from moving?" they asked the woman.
She told them that she had simply said Acts 2:38 and quoted scripture.
The police chuckled and escorted the burglar out to the patrol car. "Why did the woman's quoting scripture scare you so much?" they asked.
"Scripture?" said the burglar, "I thought she said she had an ax and two 38's!
Shorts
Good news! If I ever leave my 7-year-old "home alone" it will be at least 10 hours before he looks up from the iPad and realizes everybody's gone.
@dadandburied
I'm up for any New Year's Eve party as long as it starts at six, ends by eight, and doesn't require real pants.
@AbbyHasIssues
Every New Year I resolve to lose 20 pounds, and I do. The problem is that I gain 30.
- Melanie White
New Year’s Eve, when auld acquaintances be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive.
- Jay Leno
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