Halloween
Last Halloween there was a knock on the door.
I looked out of the window and then shouted upstairs to my wife, "Honey there's a witch at the door. What shall I do?"
She shouted back, "Just give her some candy and tell her to get lost."
My mother-in-law hasn't spoken to me since.
Watching the Office
My boss phoned me today.
He said, "Is everything okay at the office?"
I said, "Yes, it's all under control. It's been a very busy day, I haven't stopped."
"Can you do me a favor?" he asked.
I said, "Of course, what is it?"
He said, "Hurry up and take your shot, I'm behind you on the 7th hole."
Surgery
I walked into my grandparents' house today and much to my surprise I caught my Grandpa making love to a beautiful young blonde woman on the sofa.
"What are you doing, Grandpa!" I shouted, "You promised me you'd spend your retirement money on the surgery that you desperately needed!"
"I did," he said, "Doesn't your Grandma look great!?"
A Place of Your Own
I was talking to my parents the other day and they said,
"Son, you're thirty years old now and we think it's time you had your own place.
We've just paid off our mortgage and we'd like to enjoy our retirement. Do you understand?"
"That's fair enough," I replied, "I completely understand."
So first thing tomorrow, I'm going to start looking for a nursing home for them.
God is Watching
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun had written a note, and stuck it on the apple tray. It read, "Take only one. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
One child whispered to another, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
Jay Leno Thoughts
“Yesterday morning Facebook was temporarily offline, leaving millions of workers unable to do anything except their jobs.”
“How many are worried about a government shutdown? How many are worried about it starting back up?”
“The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up.
“The healthcare reform bill now includes a tanning booth tax of 10 percent. You know what this means? This whole thing could be funded by the cast of Jersey Shore.”
“You’re not famous until my mother has heard of you.”
“The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.”
“The Washington Bullets are changing their name. They don’t want their team to be associated with crime. From now on, they’ll just be known as the Bullets.”
Don't just sit there smiling, share it with the rest of the class ---- Send us your humor BFloyd@ElectricSmarts.com
You are reading the best eNewsletter in the Industry. It is filled with Business Ideas, Product and Technology Tips, Web TV interview, links to Online Courses; and it always contains a few laughs to lighten your day. Sign up your employees or friends below, or send us a list complete with their name, title and email, and we'll sign them up for you.
CLICK HERE to subscribe.
I looked out of the window and then shouted upstairs to my wife, "Honey there's a witch at the door. What shall I do?"
She shouted back, "Just give her some candy and tell her to get lost."
My mother-in-law hasn't spoken to me since.
Watching the Office
My boss phoned me today.
He said, "Is everything okay at the office?"
I said, "Yes, it's all under control. It's been a very busy day, I haven't stopped."
"Can you do me a favor?" he asked.
I said, "Of course, what is it?"
He said, "Hurry up and take your shot, I'm behind you on the 7th hole."
Surgery
I walked into my grandparents' house today and much to my surprise I caught my Grandpa making love to a beautiful young blonde woman on the sofa.
"What are you doing, Grandpa!" I shouted, "You promised me you'd spend your retirement money on the surgery that you desperately needed!"
"I did," he said, "Doesn't your Grandma look great!?"
A Place of Your Own
I was talking to my parents the other day and they said,
"Son, you're thirty years old now and we think it's time you had your own place.
We've just paid off our mortgage and we'd like to enjoy our retirement. Do you understand?"
"That's fair enough," I replied, "I completely understand."
So first thing tomorrow, I'm going to start looking for a nursing home for them.
God is Watching
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun had written a note, and stuck it on the apple tray. It read, "Take only one. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
One child whispered to another, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
Jay Leno Thoughts
“Yesterday morning Facebook was temporarily offline, leaving millions of workers unable to do anything except their jobs.”
“How many are worried about a government shutdown? How many are worried about it starting back up?”
“The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up.
“The healthcare reform bill now includes a tanning booth tax of 10 percent. You know what this means? This whole thing could be funded by the cast of Jersey Shore.”
“You’re not famous until my mother has heard of you.”
“The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.”
“The Washington Bullets are changing their name. They don’t want their team to be associated with crime. From now on, they’ll just be known as the Bullets.”
Don't just sit there smiling, share it with the rest of the class ---- Send us your humor BFloyd@ElectricSmarts.com
You are reading the best eNewsletter in the Industry. It is filled with Business Ideas, Product and Technology Tips, Web TV interview, links to Online Courses; and it always contains a few laughs to lighten your day. Sign up your employees or friends below, or send us a list complete with their name, title and email, and we'll sign them up for you.
CLICK HERE to subscribe.
