A Cup Of Tea
One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.
I was maybe 2-1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident.
Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys.
Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of "tea," which was just water.
After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.
My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was "just the cutest thing!"
My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watched him drink it up.
Then she says, (as only a mother would know . . ... )
"Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?"
The Girlfriends' Reunion
Well, A group of 15-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Dairy Queen next to the Ocean View Restaurant because they had only $6.00 among them and Jimmy Johnson, the cute boy in Social Studies, lived on that street.
At their reunion 10 years later, the group of 25-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because the drinks were cheap, the restaurant offered free snacks, the band was good, there was no cover charge, and there were lots of cute guys.
At their reunion 10 years later, the group of 35-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because the atmosphere was good, it was right near the gym and, if they went late enough, there wouldn't be too many whiny little kids.
At their reunion 10 years later, the group of 45-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because the martinis were big and the waiters were younger.
10 years later, the group of 55-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because the prices were reasonable, the wine list was good, the restaurant had windows that opened (in case of a hot flashes), and fish is good for cholesterol.
10 years later, the group of 65-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because the lighting was good and the restaurant had an early bird special.
10 years later, the group of 75-years-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because the food was not too spicy and the restaurant was handicapped-accessible.
10 years later, the group of 85-years-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because they had never been there before.
The Moped Race
An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 90 years old, pulls up next to a Doctor at a street light.
The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, "What kind of car ya got there, sonny?"
The doctor replies, "A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!"
"That's a lot of money." says the old man. "Why does it cost so much?"
"Because this car can do up to 220 miles an hour!" states the doctor proudly.
The Moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?"
"No problem." replies the doctor.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right.... But I'll stick with my Moped!"
Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 150 mph.
Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer !
He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly WHOOOOSSSHHH! Something whips by him going much faster!
"What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?" the doctor asks himself.
He presses harder on the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 180 mph.
Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped!
Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the Moped at 200 mph and he's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!
Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 220 mph.
Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again! The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do!
Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end.
The doctor stops and jumps out and unbelievably the old man is still alive.
He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, "I'm a doctor... Is there anything I can do for you ?"
The old man whispers,
"Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror!"
Shorts and Late Night
Accent
I never met anyone who thinks southern is the world’s most intelligent-sounding accent.
None of us would want to hear our brain surgeon say, “Aright…what we gon’ do is the saw the top of yer head off, root around in’er with a stick, and see if we cain’t maybe find that dadburned clot.”
You’d say, “No thanks. I’ll just die, okay?”
-Jeff Foxworthy
Accident
Every been stuck behind an accident, and when you finally see the wreckage, you’re actually happy?
“Things should pick up now, soon as we pass this carnage.”
-Paul Reiser
Advertising
I saw a subliminal advertising executive. But only for a second.
-Steven Wright
Camping
I hate camping
I don’t see the fun in paying money to basically live like a homeless person.
If I wanted to sleep in a tent for a night, it would be outside the mall the night before Nordstrom’s half-yearly sale.
-Stephanie Schiern
The Patriots have been at the center of all sorts of cheating allegations. If these reports we've seen over the last couple of days are accurate, the Patriots cheated more than everyone on Ashley Madison combined.
-Jimmy Kimmel
Kylie Jenner has started revealing in interviews how she gets her lips to stay so big. And it’s actually pretty simple: She’s allergic to nuts.
Justin Bieber's new song “What Do You Mean?” is his first-ever Billboard number 1 single. Bieber wrote the song in response to the question, “Does the defendant understand the charges before him?”
-Seth Meyers
Don't just sit there smiling, share it with the rest of the class ---- Send us your humor BFloyd@ElectricSmarts.com
You are reading the best eNewsletter in the Industry. It is filled with Business Ideas, Product and Technology Tips, Web TV interview, links to Online Courses; and it always contains a few laughs to lighten your day. Sign up your employees or friends below, or send us a list complete with their name, title and email, and we'll sign them up for you.
CLICK HERE to Subscribe
I was maybe 2-1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident.
Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys.
Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of "tea," which was just water.
After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.
My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was "just the cutest thing!"
My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watched him drink it up.
Then she says, (as only a mother would know . . ... )
"Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?"
The Girlfriends' Reunion
Well, A group of 15-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Dairy Queen next to the Ocean View Restaurant because they had only $6.00 among them and Jimmy Johnson, the cute boy in Social Studies, lived on that street.
At their reunion 10 years later, the group of 25-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because the drinks were cheap, the restaurant offered free snacks, the band was good, there was no cover charge, and there were lots of cute guys.
At their reunion 10 years later, the group of 35-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because the atmosphere was good, it was right near the gym and, if they went late enough, there wouldn't be too many whiny little kids.
At their reunion 10 years later, the group of 45-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because the martinis were big and the waiters were younger.
10 years later, the group of 55-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because the prices were reasonable, the wine list was good, the restaurant had windows that opened (in case of a hot flashes), and fish is good for cholesterol.
10 years later, the group of 65-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because the lighting was good and the restaurant had an early bird special.
10 years later, the group of 75-years-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because the food was not too spicy and the restaurant was handicapped-accessible.
10 years later, the group of 85-years-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because they had never been there before.
The Moped Race
An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 90 years old, pulls up next to a Doctor at a street light.
The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, "What kind of car ya got there, sonny?"
The doctor replies, "A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!"
"That's a lot of money." says the old man. "Why does it cost so much?"
"Because this car can do up to 220 miles an hour!" states the doctor proudly.
The Moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?"
"No problem." replies the doctor.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right.... But I'll stick with my Moped!"
Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 150 mph.
Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer !
He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly WHOOOOSSSHHH! Something whips by him going much faster!
"What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?" the doctor asks himself.
He presses harder on the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 180 mph.
Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped!
Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the Moped at 200 mph and he's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!
Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 220 mph.
Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again! The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do!
Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end.
The doctor stops and jumps out and unbelievably the old man is still alive.
He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, "I'm a doctor... Is there anything I can do for you ?"
The old man whispers,
"Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror!"
Shorts and Late Night
Accent
I never met anyone who thinks southern is the world’s most intelligent-sounding accent.
None of us would want to hear our brain surgeon say, “Aright…what we gon’ do is the saw the top of yer head off, root around in’er with a stick, and see if we cain’t maybe find that dadburned clot.”
You’d say, “No thanks. I’ll just die, okay?”
-Jeff Foxworthy
Accident
Every been stuck behind an accident, and when you finally see the wreckage, you’re actually happy?
“Things should pick up now, soon as we pass this carnage.”
-Paul Reiser
Advertising
I saw a subliminal advertising executive. But only for a second.
-Steven Wright
Camping
I hate camping
I don’t see the fun in paying money to basically live like a homeless person.
If I wanted to sleep in a tent for a night, it would be outside the mall the night before Nordstrom’s half-yearly sale.
-Stephanie Schiern
The Patriots have been at the center of all sorts of cheating allegations. If these reports we've seen over the last couple of days are accurate, the Patriots cheated more than everyone on Ashley Madison combined.
-Jimmy Kimmel
Kylie Jenner has started revealing in interviews how she gets her lips to stay so big. And it’s actually pretty simple: She’s allergic to nuts.
Justin Bieber's new song “What Do You Mean?” is his first-ever Billboard number 1 single. Bieber wrote the song in response to the question, “Does the defendant understand the charges before him?”
-Seth Meyers
Don't just sit there smiling, share it with the rest of the class ---- Send us your humor BFloyd@ElectricSmarts.com
You are reading the best eNewsletter in the Industry. It is filled with Business Ideas, Product and Technology Tips, Web TV interview, links to Online Courses; and it always contains a few laughs to lighten your day. Sign up your employees or friends below, or send us a list complete with their name, title and email, and we'll sign them up for you.
CLICK HERE to Subscribe
