Directions to Follow (Really?)
In case you need further proof the human race is doomed through
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on current consumer
goods.
On a Sear's hair dryer: "Do not use while sleeping."
On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (The shoplifter special)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But, it's "just" a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Oops! Too late!)
On Marks Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame parents for this one.)
-inspire21.com
Taking Over The Plane
This is the story of a young female college student flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.
While in the air the pilot has a heart attack and dies.
She is frantic and grabs the mike and calls out a Mayday.
"Mayday! Mayday! Help me! Help me! The pilot had a heart attack and is dead and I don't know how to fly. Someone help me! Please help me!"
She then hears a voice on the radio saying: "This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just take a deep breath, stay calm and everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position."
She replies by saying, "I'm 5'4" and I support Hillary."
"Okay" says the voice on the radio, "Repeat after me: Our Father, Who art in Heaven"
The Pistol and the Alligator
Florida woman stops alligator attack using a small Beretta pistol.
This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.
What is the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself? A Beretta Jetfire testimonial.... Here is her story in her own words:
"While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in The Villages with my soon to be ex-husband discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water and began charging us with its large jaws wide open."
"She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive. If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire .25 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today!"
"Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took...."
"The 'gator got him easily and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace."
"It's one of the best pistols in my collection!"
"Plus the amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible."
Shorts and Late Night
People who wonder whether the glass is half empty or half full miss the point. The glass is refillable.
The Republican National Convention started today and Donald Trump spent the past several days preparing his acceptance speech, while Chris Christie spent the past two weeks blowing up balloons.
Over on the Democratic side, Bernie Sanders gave a 23-minute speech at a conference last week after he endorsed Hillary Clinton, but he didn’t mention her by name. …. Although people had a pretty good idea who he was referring to when he mentioned “Moneybags McPantsuit.”
-Jimmy Fallon
The guy is going to be OK, but in California, a man playing Pokémon Go was stabbed. The man said, "It was terrifying, my lack of a life flashed before my eyes."
A new study claims regular sex can help people stay slim. Heads up guys, women do not like the pickup line, "How’d you like to lose some weight tonight?"
Britain has a new foreign secretary, and the new foreign secretary once likened Hillary Clinton to a "sadistic nurse." After hearing this, Bill Clinton said, "Man, I wish."
Donald Trump said he wishes he had the time to play Pokémon Go. When she heard that, Hillary Clinton said, "Oh, you will."
-Conan O’Brien
The latest polls show that Hillary Clinton is tied with Donald Trump. Ever since the damning FBI report about Hillary Clinton's private email servers came out, her poll numbers have not looked good.
Though the truth is she may have much better numbers hidden on her private server. We don't know.
-Stephen Colbert
Don't just sit there smiling, share it with the rest of the class ---- Send us your humor BFloyd@ElectricSmarts.com
You are reading the best eNewsletter in the Industry. It is filled with Business Ideas, Product and Technology Tips, Web TV interview, links to Online Courses; and it always contains a few laughs to lighten your day. Sign up your employees or friends below, or send us a list complete with their name, title and email, and we'll sign them up for you.
CLICK HERE to Subscribe
On a Sear's hair dryer: "Do not use while sleeping."
On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (The shoplifter special)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But, it's "just" a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Oops! Too late!)
On Marks Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame parents for this one.)
-inspire21.com
Taking Over The Plane
This is the story of a young female college student flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.
While in the air the pilot has a heart attack and dies.
She is frantic and grabs the mike and calls out a Mayday.
"Mayday! Mayday! Help me! Help me! The pilot had a heart attack and is dead and I don't know how to fly. Someone help me! Please help me!"
She then hears a voice on the radio saying: "This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just take a deep breath, stay calm and everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position."
She replies by saying, "I'm 5'4" and I support Hillary."
"Okay" says the voice on the radio, "Repeat after me: Our Father, Who art in Heaven"
The Pistol and the Alligator
Florida woman stops alligator attack using a small Beretta pistol.
This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.
What is the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself? A Beretta Jetfire testimonial.... Here is her story in her own words:
"While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in The Villages with my soon to be ex-husband discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water and began charging us with its large jaws wide open."
"She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive. If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire .25 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today!"
"Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took...."
"The 'gator got him easily and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace."
"It's one of the best pistols in my collection!"
"Plus the amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible."
Shorts and Late Night
People who wonder whether the glass is half empty or half full miss the point. The glass is refillable.
The Republican National Convention started today and Donald Trump spent the past several days preparing his acceptance speech, while Chris Christie spent the past two weeks blowing up balloons.
Over on the Democratic side, Bernie Sanders gave a 23-minute speech at a conference last week after he endorsed Hillary Clinton, but he didn’t mention her by name. …. Although people had a pretty good idea who he was referring to when he mentioned “Moneybags McPantsuit.”
-Jimmy Fallon
The guy is going to be OK, but in California, a man playing Pokémon Go was stabbed. The man said, "It was terrifying, my lack of a life flashed before my eyes."
A new study claims regular sex can help people stay slim. Heads up guys, women do not like the pickup line, "How’d you like to lose some weight tonight?"
Britain has a new foreign secretary, and the new foreign secretary once likened Hillary Clinton to a "sadistic nurse." After hearing this, Bill Clinton said, "Man, I wish."
Donald Trump said he wishes he had the time to play Pokémon Go. When she heard that, Hillary Clinton said, "Oh, you will."
-Conan O’Brien
The latest polls show that Hillary Clinton is tied with Donald Trump. Ever since the damning FBI report about Hillary Clinton's private email servers came out, her poll numbers have not looked good.
Though the truth is she may have much better numbers hidden on her private server. We don't know.
-Stephen Colbert
Don't just sit there smiling, share it with the rest of the class ---- Send us your humor BFloyd@ElectricSmarts.com
You are reading the best eNewsletter in the Industry. It is filled with Business Ideas, Product and Technology Tips, Web TV interview, links to Online Courses; and it always contains a few laughs to lighten your day. Sign up your employees or friends below, or send us a list complete with their name, title and email, and we'll sign them up for you.
CLICK HERE to Subscribe
