Have You Ever Noticed That...
Have you ever noticed that when you're of a certain age, everything
seems uphill from where you are? Stairs are steeper. Groceries are
heavier. And, everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the
corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!
And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?
I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me.
I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection........Well, REALLY NOW, even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!
Another thing, everyone drives so fast today! You're risking life and limb if you just happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.
Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they think no one notices that these things no longer fit around the waist, hips, thighs, and bosom?
The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in reverse. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling?
I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy, too. They've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in here!
Locals
A man approached a local person in a village he was visiting.
"What's the quickest way to York?"
The local scratched his head.
"Are you walking or driving?" he asked the stranger.
"I'm driving."
"That's the quickest way!"
The Trained Scientist
First Mouse: I finally got that scientist trained.
Second Mouse: How so?
First Mouse: Every time I go through the maze and ring the bell, he gives me something to eat.
Shorts
Yesterday, I was washing the car with my son.
He said: “Dad, can’t you just use a sponge?”
==
If you're at the dentist and don't hear Billy Joel on the sound system, leave immediately. Not a real dentist.
@_troyjohnson
Alexis, why am I so bad with names?
@jordan_stratton
And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?
I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me.
I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection........Well, REALLY NOW, even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!
Another thing, everyone drives so fast today! You're risking life and limb if you just happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.
Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they think no one notices that these things no longer fit around the waist, hips, thighs, and bosom?
The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in reverse. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling?
I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy, too. They've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in here!
All I can do is pass along this warning: Maturity is
under attack! Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon "everyone"
will have to suffer these awful indignities.
Locals
A man approached a local person in a village he was visiting.
"What's the quickest way to York?"
The local scratched his head.
"Are you walking or driving?" he asked the stranger.
"I'm driving."
"That's the quickest way!"
The Trained Scientist
First Mouse: I finally got that scientist trained.
Second Mouse: How so?
First Mouse: Every time I go through the maze and ring the bell, he gives me something to eat.
Shorts
Yesterday, I was washing the car with my son.
He said: “Dad, can’t you just use a sponge?”
==
If you're at the dentist and don't hear Billy Joel on the sound system, leave immediately. Not a real dentist.
@_troyjohnson
Alexis, why am I so bad with names?
@jordan_stratton
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