Golf in An Emergency
A husband and wife are playing golf one week.
They're on the 9th green when the wife suddenly collapses.
"Help me dear," she groans to her husband.
So the husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, then he picks up his putter and lines up his putt.
His wife uses all her strength to raise her head off the green and stares at him as she gasps, "I'm dying here and you're putting?"
"Don't worry, dear," says the husband calmly, "they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you."
"Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" she asks feebly.
"Oh no time at all," says her husband. "Everybody's already agreed to let him play through."
More Golf
After the honeymoon, the new wife tells her husband, "I think it's time for you to stop playing golf. In fact, you might as well sell all of your clubs."
The husband replies, "You're starting to sound like my ex-wife."
His wife says, "I thought you said you've never been married before?"
The husband says, "I haven't."
No. 1 on Our List — Literally!
My father was completely lost in the kitchen and never ate unless someone prepared a meal for him.
When Mother was ill, however, he volunteered to go to the supermarket for her.
She sent him off with a carefully numbered list of seven items.
Dad returned shortly, very proud of himself, and proceeded to unpack the grocery bags.
He had one bag of sugar, two dozen eggs, three hams, four boxes of detergent, five boxes of crackers, six eggplants, and seven green peppers.
The Young and the Dumb
When I interviewed for a job six months after my 70th birthday, I was asked my age.
With nothing to hide, I replied, “I’m halfway to my 71st birthday.”
The interviewer looked skeptical. “No offense,” he said, “but you look older than 35.”
I Would If I Could
My three-year-old sat in the bathroom with me, watching as I removed my dentures and brushed them. After a few minutes, he asked, “Can you take your ears off too?”
Shorts
Thank you student loans for getting me through college.
I don't think I can ever repay you.
What did the buffalo say to his son as he left for school?
Bison.
What did the teddy bear say when he was offered dessert?
No thanks, I'm stuffed.
Two windmills are standing in a field. One asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?"
The other one says, "I’m a big metal fan."
My friend is a structural engineer.
He’s always complaining about stress at work.
My girlfriend isn’t talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday.
I’m not sure how I did that – I didn’t even know it was her birthday…
I asked my girlfriend if she’d like a day of eating ice cream and hanging with her girlfriends.
She said, "Ooh, yes."
I said, "Good, because I'm breaking up with you."
They say make up sex is the best.
Which is lucky, because all my sex is made up.
Don't just sit there smiling, share it with the rest of the class ---- Send us your humor BFloyd@ElectricSmarts.com
You are reading the best eNewsletter in the Industry. It is filled with Business Ideas, Product and Technology Tips, Web TV interview, links to Online Courses; and it always contains a few laughs to lighten your day. Sign up your employees or friends below, or send us a list complete with their name, title and email, and we'll sign them up for you.
CLICK HERE to subscribe.
They're on the 9th green when the wife suddenly collapses.
"Help me dear," she groans to her husband.
So the husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, then he picks up his putter and lines up his putt.
His wife uses all her strength to raise her head off the green and stares at him as she gasps, "I'm dying here and you're putting?"
"Don't worry, dear," says the husband calmly, "they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you."
"Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" she asks feebly.
"Oh no time at all," says her husband. "Everybody's already agreed to let him play through."
More Golf
After the honeymoon, the new wife tells her husband, "I think it's time for you to stop playing golf. In fact, you might as well sell all of your clubs."
The husband replies, "You're starting to sound like my ex-wife."
His wife says, "I thought you said you've never been married before?"
The husband says, "I haven't."
No. 1 on Our List — Literally!
My father was completely lost in the kitchen and never ate unless someone prepared a meal for him.
When Mother was ill, however, he volunteered to go to the supermarket for her.
She sent him off with a carefully numbered list of seven items.
Dad returned shortly, very proud of himself, and proceeded to unpack the grocery bags.
He had one bag of sugar, two dozen eggs, three hams, four boxes of detergent, five boxes of crackers, six eggplants, and seven green peppers.
The Young and the Dumb
When I interviewed for a job six months after my 70th birthday, I was asked my age.
With nothing to hide, I replied, “I’m halfway to my 71st birthday.”
The interviewer looked skeptical. “No offense,” he said, “but you look older than 35.”
I Would If I Could
My three-year-old sat in the bathroom with me, watching as I removed my dentures and brushed them. After a few minutes, he asked, “Can you take your ears off too?”
Shorts
Thank you student loans for getting me through college.
I don't think I can ever repay you.
What did the buffalo say to his son as he left for school?
Bison.
What did the teddy bear say when he was offered dessert?
No thanks, I'm stuffed.
Two windmills are standing in a field. One asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?"
The other one says, "I’m a big metal fan."
My friend is a structural engineer.
He’s always complaining about stress at work.
My girlfriend isn’t talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday.
I’m not sure how I did that – I didn’t even know it was her birthday…
I asked my girlfriend if she’d like a day of eating ice cream and hanging with her girlfriends.
She said, "Ooh, yes."
I said, "Good, because I'm breaking up with you."
They say make up sex is the best.
Which is lucky, because all my sex is made up.
Don't just sit there smiling, share it with the rest of the class ---- Send us your humor BFloyd@ElectricSmarts.com
You are reading the best eNewsletter in the Industry. It is filled with Business Ideas, Product and Technology Tips, Web TV interview, links to Online Courses; and it always contains a few laughs to lighten your day. Sign up your employees or friends below, or send us a list complete with their name, title and email, and we'll sign them up for you.
CLICK HERE to subscribe.
