He Landed a Job As a Walmart Greeter, But Only Lasted Two Hours
So after landing my new job as a Walmart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day.
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, "Good morning and welcome to Walmart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"
Of course, her children were at least two years apart, and while they did share similar features, they certainly didn't look like each other.
The woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the heck would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?"
So I replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am, I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Walmart."
My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.
Redneck Mirror
After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old hillbilly decided it was time to visit the big city.
In one of the stores he picked up a mirror and looked in it. Not ever having seen one before, he remarked at the image staring back at him, "How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy."
He bought the 'picture', but on the way home he remembered his wife, Lizzy, didn't like his father.
So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it.
Lizzy began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn.
One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror.
As she looked into the glass, she fumed, "So that's the ugly piece of trash he's runnin' around with."
The War Hero
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
"Johnny, do you have a story to share?" the teacher asked.
"Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen. She was a pilot in the Iraq war and her plane got hit.
She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops.
She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher. "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?"
"Stay the heck away from Aunt Karen when she's drinking!"
An Old Man Gets an Urgent Phone Call From His Wife While Driving Home
A senior citizen called her husband during his drive home.
"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 90. Please be careful!"
Herman replied, "It's not just one car. There's hundreds of them!"
Shorts
Here’s some good news for parents. A new survey just came out that says teens in the U.S. are now less likely to drink, smoke or use drugs. Though it's important to consider the study's margin of error: the fact that no teen is going to tell you they're drinking, smoking or doing drugs.
-Jimmy Fallon
Christmas is that magical time of the year when we're forced to spend money we don't want to spend to travel to places we don't want to go to see the people we really don't want to see.
-Jimmy Kimmel
A new study shows that elected leaders don't live as long as their defeated opponents. So if there's a candidate you really don't like, vote for them.
Bush has sent an email to his supporters promising that as an early Christmas present, if you give him $25, you won't receive any more email requests for cash the rest of the year. It's a political strategy borrowed from the mob.
-Stephen Colbert
The fifth Republican debate took place tonight in Las Vegas. The Vegas debate included nine candidates, and, due to a little mix-up, Celine Dion and a white tiger.
Kim and Kanye’s 2-year-old daughter North has released her first tweet. It was just three letters, "SOS."
-Conan O’Brien
Don't just sit there smiling, share it with the rest of the class ---- Send us your humor BFloyd@ElectricSmarts.com
You are reading the best eNewsletter in the Industry. It is filled with Business Ideas, Product and Technology Tips, Web TV interview, links to Online Courses; and it always contains a few laughs to lighten your day. Sign up your employees or friends below, or send us a list complete with their name, title and email, and we'll sign them up for you.
CLICK HERE to Subscribe
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, "Good morning and welcome to Walmart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"
Of course, her children were at least two years apart, and while they did share similar features, they certainly didn't look like each other.
The woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the heck would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?"
So I replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am, I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Walmart."
My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.
Redneck Mirror
After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old hillbilly decided it was time to visit the big city.
In one of the stores he picked up a mirror and looked in it. Not ever having seen one before, he remarked at the image staring back at him, "How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy."
He bought the 'picture', but on the way home he remembered his wife, Lizzy, didn't like his father.
So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it.
Lizzy began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn.
One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror.
As she looked into the glass, she fumed, "So that's the ugly piece of trash he's runnin' around with."
The War Hero
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
"Johnny, do you have a story to share?" the teacher asked.
"Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen. She was a pilot in the Iraq war and her plane got hit.
She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops.
She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher. "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?"
"Stay the heck away from Aunt Karen when she's drinking!"
An Old Man Gets an Urgent Phone Call From His Wife While Driving Home
A senior citizen called her husband during his drive home.
"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 90. Please be careful!"
Herman replied, "It's not just one car. There's hundreds of them!"
Shorts
Here’s some good news for parents. A new survey just came out that says teens in the U.S. are now less likely to drink, smoke or use drugs. Though it's important to consider the study's margin of error: the fact that no teen is going to tell you they're drinking, smoking or doing drugs.
-Jimmy Fallon
Christmas is that magical time of the year when we're forced to spend money we don't want to spend to travel to places we don't want to go to see the people we really don't want to see.
-Jimmy Kimmel
A new study shows that elected leaders don't live as long as their defeated opponents. So if there's a candidate you really don't like, vote for them.
Bush has sent an email to his supporters promising that as an early Christmas present, if you give him $25, you won't receive any more email requests for cash the rest of the year. It's a political strategy borrowed from the mob.
-Stephen Colbert
The fifth Republican debate took place tonight in Las Vegas. The Vegas debate included nine candidates, and, due to a little mix-up, Celine Dion and a white tiger.
Kim and Kanye’s 2-year-old daughter North has released her first tweet. It was just three letters, "SOS."
-Conan O’Brien
Don't just sit there smiling, share it with the rest of the class ---- Send us your humor BFloyd@ElectricSmarts.com
You are reading the best eNewsletter in the Industry. It is filled with Business Ideas, Product and Technology Tips, Web TV interview, links to Online Courses; and it always contains a few laughs to lighten your day. Sign up your employees or friends below, or send us a list complete with their name, title and email, and we'll sign them up for you.
CLICK HERE to Subscribe
