Broken Elevator
Jay, Tom and Paul were at a convention together sharing a large suite at
the top of a 75-story hotel. After a long day of meetings, they were
shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken, and they
would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room.
Jay said to Tom and Paul, “Let’s break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I’ll tell jokes for 25 flights, Tom can sing songs for the next 25 flights, and Paul will tell sad stories for the rest of the way.”
At the 26th floor, Jay stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor, Tom stopped singing and Paul began to tell sad stories.
“I will tell my saddest story first,” he said. “I left the room key in the car.”
Moving Out
A woman walked into the pet shop and told the owner she needed a rat and a couple of cockroaches.
“What do you need them for?”
“Because,” said the woman, “I’m moving and my lease says that when I move out I must leave the place in the same condition as I found it!”
Jewish Grandmother
My elderly Jewish grandmother was giving me directions to her apartment.
“You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 4012. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow , push button 4012. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 4. When you get out, I’m on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell.”
“Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?
“Vaat . . . .. .. You coming empty handed?”
Chemist vs. Plumber?
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?
Ask them to spell unionized.
Day Off
Two factory workers are talking to each other one day.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "Oh yeah? And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see."
She then hangs upside down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
As the woman leaves, the man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
Golf and Emergency
A husband and wife are playing golf one week. They're on the 9th green when the wife suddenly collapses.
"Help me dear." she groans to her husband.
So the husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, then he picks up his putter and lines up his putt.
His wife uses all her strength to raise her head off the green and stares at him as she gasps, "I'm dying here and you're putting?"
"Don't worry, dear," says the husband calmly, "they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you."
"Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" she asks feebly.
"Oh no time at all." says her husband. "Everybody's already agreed to let him play through."
Crisis Strategy
A new manager spends a week at his new office with the manager he is replacing.
On the last day, the departing manager tells him, "I've left three numbered envelopes in the desk drawer. Open an envelope if you encounter a crisis you can't solve."
Three months down the road there is a major drama in the office and the manager feels very threatened by it all.
He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope.
The message inside says "Blame your predecessor!"
He does this and gets off the hook.
About half a year later, the company is experiencing a dip in sales, combined with serious product problems.
The manager quickly opens the second envelope.
The message read, "Reorganize!"
He starts to reorganize and the company quickly rebounds.
Three months later, at his next crisis, he opens the third envelope.
The message inside says, "Prepare three envelopes."
My Boss
My boss pulled up to work in a beautiful new top-of-the-range car today.
I complimented him on it and he said to me, “Well, if you get your head down and work hard, set goals and stay committed to them, be determined and work long hours… maybe next year I can get an even better one.”
====
My boss asked me to make a presentation and said I should start it with a joke. So I put my pay slip on the first slide.
====
My boss asked me today, "Do you believe in life after death and the supernatural?"
I replied, "Yes, I think so."
"I thought you would," he said. "Yesterday after you left to go to your grandmother's funeral, she phoned up to talk to you."
Don't just sit there smiling, share it with the rest of the class ---- Send us your humor BFloyd@ElectricSmarts.com
You are reading the best eNewsletter in the Industry. It is filled with Business Ideas, Product and Technology Tips, Web TV interview, links to Online Courses; and it always contains a few laughs to lighten your day. Sign up your employees or friends below, or send us a list complete with their name, title and email, and we'll sign them up for you.
CLICK HERE to subscribe.
Jay said to Tom and Paul, “Let’s break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I’ll tell jokes for 25 flights, Tom can sing songs for the next 25 flights, and Paul will tell sad stories for the rest of the way.”
At the 26th floor, Jay stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor, Tom stopped singing and Paul began to tell sad stories.
“I will tell my saddest story first,” he said. “I left the room key in the car.”
Moving Out
A woman walked into the pet shop and told the owner she needed a rat and a couple of cockroaches.
“What do you need them for?”
“Because,” said the woman, “I’m moving and my lease says that when I move out I must leave the place in the same condition as I found it!”
Jewish Grandmother
My elderly Jewish grandmother was giving me directions to her apartment.
“You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 4012. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow , push button 4012. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 4. When you get out, I’m on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell.”
“Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?
“Vaat . . . .. .. You coming empty handed?”
Chemist vs. Plumber?
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?
Ask them to spell unionized.
Day Off
Two factory workers are talking to each other one day.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "Oh yeah? And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see."
She then hangs upside down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
As the woman leaves, the man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
Golf and Emergency
A husband and wife are playing golf one week. They're on the 9th green when the wife suddenly collapses.
"Help me dear." she groans to her husband.
So the husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, then he picks up his putter and lines up his putt.
His wife uses all her strength to raise her head off the green and stares at him as she gasps, "I'm dying here and you're putting?"
"Don't worry, dear," says the husband calmly, "they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you."
"Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" she asks feebly.
"Oh no time at all." says her husband. "Everybody's already agreed to let him play through."
Crisis Strategy
A new manager spends a week at his new office with the manager he is replacing.
On the last day, the departing manager tells him, "I've left three numbered envelopes in the desk drawer. Open an envelope if you encounter a crisis you can't solve."
Three months down the road there is a major drama in the office and the manager feels very threatened by it all.
He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope.
The message inside says "Blame your predecessor!"
He does this and gets off the hook.
About half a year later, the company is experiencing a dip in sales, combined with serious product problems.
The manager quickly opens the second envelope.
The message read, "Reorganize!"
He starts to reorganize and the company quickly rebounds.
Three months later, at his next crisis, he opens the third envelope.
The message inside says, "Prepare three envelopes."
My Boss
My boss pulled up to work in a beautiful new top-of-the-range car today.
I complimented him on it and he said to me, “Well, if you get your head down and work hard, set goals and stay committed to them, be determined and work long hours… maybe next year I can get an even better one.”
====
My boss asked me to make a presentation and said I should start it with a joke. So I put my pay slip on the first slide.
====
My boss asked me today, "Do you believe in life after death and the supernatural?"
I replied, "Yes, I think so."
"I thought you would," he said. "Yesterday after you left to go to your grandmother's funeral, she phoned up to talk to you."
Don't just sit there smiling, share it with the rest of the class ---- Send us your humor BFloyd@ElectricSmarts.com
You are reading the best eNewsletter in the Industry. It is filled with Business Ideas, Product and Technology Tips, Web TV interview, links to Online Courses; and it always contains a few laughs to lighten your day. Sign up your employees or friends below, or send us a list complete with their name, title and email, and we'll sign them up for you.
CLICK HERE to subscribe.
