Her Clean Floor
While electricians were working outside the old house I had just bought, I busied myself with indoor cleaning.
I had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the toilet.
With dismay I looked from his muddy boots to my newly scrubbed floors.
“Just a minute,” I said, thinking of a quick solution.
“I’ll put down newspapers.”
“That’s all right, lady,” he responded with a chuckle. “I’m already house broken.”
Construction Definitions
CONTRACTOR - A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal!
BID OPENING - A poker game in which the losing hand wins.
LOW BIDDER - A contractor who is wondering what he/she has left out.
ENGINEER'S ESTIMATE - The cost of construction in Heaven.
CRITICAL PATH METHOD - A management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.
OSHA - A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print, split hairs, red tape and baloney - usually applied at random with a shot gun.
DELAYED PAYMENT - A tourniquet applied at the pockets.
COMPLETION DATE - The point at which liquidated damages begin.
LIQUIDATED DAMAGES - A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.
Applying In Person
An electrician walks onto a job site of a large company and hands the foreman his application.
The foreman begins to scan the sheet, and notices that the applicant has been fired from every job he has ever held. “I must say,” says the foreman, “your work history is terrible.
You’ve been fired from every job.”
“Yes,” says the sparky.
“Well,” continues the foreman, “there’s not much positive in that.”
“Hey!” says the guy as he pokes the application. “At least I’m not a quitter.”
Shorts and Late Night
Feeling excited today. Just graduated from the police academy and also read in my horoscope that I’m gonna be meeting a tall dark stranger. Looking forward to trying out my new taser.
If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Instead, there would just a bunch of angry countries not talking to each other.
This year has seen the coldest winter since records began for countries in the northern hemisphere. It’s been so cold that numerous politicians have actually been seen with their hands in their own pockets.
A Saudi prince recently requested that naked statues be covered up while visiting Rome. Apparently his 9 year old wife found them offensive.
Twenty-six years after the Chernobyl disaster, and am I the only one that’s disappointed? Still no superheroes.
My psychiatrist recently told me I should stop avoiding conflicts so I’ve just booked a holiday to Syria.
What’s the difference between an actor and a politician? An actor has better script writers with more believable story-lines.
Ban pre-shredded cheese…. Make America grate again!!
Why is it that people who own guns are considered a danger to society but it’s perfectly acceptable for someone to own a meat clever and a human-sized freezer?
Don't just sit there smiling, share it with the rest of the class ---- Send us your humor BFloyd@ElectricSmarts.com
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I had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the toilet.
With dismay I looked from his muddy boots to my newly scrubbed floors.
“Just a minute,” I said, thinking of a quick solution.
“I’ll put down newspapers.”
“That’s all right, lady,” he responded with a chuckle. “I’m already house broken.”
Construction Definitions
CONTRACTOR - A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal!
BID OPENING - A poker game in which the losing hand wins.
LOW BIDDER - A contractor who is wondering what he/she has left out.
ENGINEER'S ESTIMATE - The cost of construction in Heaven.
CRITICAL PATH METHOD - A management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.
OSHA - A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print, split hairs, red tape and baloney - usually applied at random with a shot gun.
DELAYED PAYMENT - A tourniquet applied at the pockets.
COMPLETION DATE - The point at which liquidated damages begin.
LIQUIDATED DAMAGES - A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.
Applying In Person
An electrician walks onto a job site of a large company and hands the foreman his application.
The foreman begins to scan the sheet, and notices that the applicant has been fired from every job he has ever held. “I must say,” says the foreman, “your work history is terrible.
You’ve been fired from every job.”
“Yes,” says the sparky.
“Well,” continues the foreman, “there’s not much positive in that.”
“Hey!” says the guy as he pokes the application. “At least I’m not a quitter.”
Shorts and Late Night
Feeling excited today. Just graduated from the police academy and also read in my horoscope that I’m gonna be meeting a tall dark stranger. Looking forward to trying out my new taser.
If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Instead, there would just a bunch of angry countries not talking to each other.
This year has seen the coldest winter since records began for countries in the northern hemisphere. It’s been so cold that numerous politicians have actually been seen with their hands in their own pockets.
A Saudi prince recently requested that naked statues be covered up while visiting Rome. Apparently his 9 year old wife found them offensive.
Twenty-six years after the Chernobyl disaster, and am I the only one that’s disappointed? Still no superheroes.
My psychiatrist recently told me I should stop avoiding conflicts so I’ve just booked a holiday to Syria.
What’s the difference between an actor and a politician? An actor has better script writers with more believable story-lines.
Ban pre-shredded cheese…. Make America grate again!!
Why is it that people who own guns are considered a danger to society but it’s perfectly acceptable for someone to own a meat clever and a human-sized freezer?
Don't just sit there smiling, share it with the rest of the class ---- Send us your humor BFloyd@ElectricSmarts.com
You are reading the best eNewsletter in the Industry. It is filled with Business Ideas, Product and Technology Tips, Web TV interview, links to Online Courses; and it always contains a few laughs to lighten your day. Sign up your employees or friends below, or send us a list complete with their name, title and email, and we'll sign them up for you.
CLICK HERE to Subscribe
