What's The Job Worth?
When a Colorado mine operator found that his office safe had jammed, he
called the nearby state prison and asked whether any of the inmates
might know how to open it.
Soon, a convict and a prison guard showed up at the office.
The inmate spun the dials, listened intently and calmly opened the safe door.
“I’m much obliged.” said the mine operator.
“How much do you figure I owe you?”
“Well,” Said the prisoner, “the last time I opened a safe I got $25,000.”
Diagnosis
When a friend’s marriage began to unravel, my 12-year-old son offered, “I think the problem is largely psychological.”
“How so?” I asked.
“He’s psycho and she’s logical.”
Murdering Golfer
A murder had been committed.
Police are called to an apartment and find a man holding a 5-iron in his hands, looking at the lifeless body of a woman on the floor.
The detective asks, “Sir, did you kill her with golf club?”
“Yes. Yes, I did.” says the man, stifling a sob.
“How many times did you hit her?”
“I don’t know. Five…maybe six… Put me down for a five.”
Diagnosis
(Part 2)
When we finished a personality assessment at work, I asked my friend Dan if he would share the results with his wife.
“That would require me to go home and say, ’Hi, honey. I just paid someone $400 to tell me what’s wrong with me.’” he said.
“And based on that, considering we’ve been married 23 years, she’d hand me a bill for $798,000.”
-Ron James
Older Goats
Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland.
As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used.
She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.
These, she explained, are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.
She then asked, “What do you do in America with your old goats?”
A spry old gentleman answered, “They send us on bus tours! ”
Shorts and Late Night
After signing a contract for $325 million this week, Marlins player Giancarlo Stanton celebrated with a $20,000 bottle of Champagne. So let the road to inexplicable bankruptcy begin!
When asked what made the Champagne so expensive, the bartender said, "I heard this guy just made $325 million."
-Jimmy Fallon
I hear JetBlue is reducing leg room by 1.5 inches. Know why? Because so many passengers on JetBlue look around and say, it's so roomy in here! I feel so uncomfortable with all this space.
There will be no Kardashian family Christmas card this year because they couldn't decide on an appropriate photo. I thought, when did the word "appropriate" ever have anything to do with that family?
-David Letterman
Analysts say Obama's new immigration plan will focus on deporting violent criminals. So, this could impact your fantasy football team.
Scientists say the European space probe that landed on the comet has detected organic matter. This means there could be either life in space or a Whole Foods. We just don't know.
This week a group of activists, known as Anonymous, hacked the Twitter account of the KKK. The KKK is furious. They said Anonymous is just a bunch of cowards who don't have the courage to show their faces.
-Conan O’Brien
Germany has overtaken the United States as the world's favorite country. Germany is the most popular country in the world. That is one hell of a comeback.
-Jimmy Kimmel
A man in California was arrested after he stabbed his potential employer during a job interview. Well, at least now he knows where he sees himself in five years.
Justin Bieber will reportedly spend the next two weeks with a pastor to learn how to spread the word of God. “It won’t be easy, but I think it will make me a better person” — said the pastor.
-Seth Meyers
Don't just sit there smiling, share it with the rest of the class ---- Send us your humor BFloyd@ElectricSmarts.com
You are reading the best eNewsletter in the Industry. It is filled with Business Ideas, Product and Technology Tips, Web TV interview, links to Online Courses; and it always contains a few laughs to lighten your day. Sign up your employees or friends below, or send us a list complete with their name, title and email, and we'll sign them up for you.
Click here to subscribe.
Soon, a convict and a prison guard showed up at the office.
The inmate spun the dials, listened intently and calmly opened the safe door.
“I’m much obliged.” said the mine operator.
“How much do you figure I owe you?”
“Well,” Said the prisoner, “the last time I opened a safe I got $25,000.”
Diagnosis
When a friend’s marriage began to unravel, my 12-year-old son offered, “I think the problem is largely psychological.”
“How so?” I asked.
“He’s psycho and she’s logical.”
Murdering Golfer
A murder had been committed.
Police are called to an apartment and find a man holding a 5-iron in his hands, looking at the lifeless body of a woman on the floor.
The detective asks, “Sir, did you kill her with golf club?”
“Yes. Yes, I did.” says the man, stifling a sob.
“How many times did you hit her?”
“I don’t know. Five…maybe six… Put me down for a five.”
Diagnosis
(Part 2)
When we finished a personality assessment at work, I asked my friend Dan if he would share the results with his wife.
“That would require me to go home and say, ’Hi, honey. I just paid someone $400 to tell me what’s wrong with me.’” he said.
“And based on that, considering we’ve been married 23 years, she’d hand me a bill for $798,000.”
-Ron James
Older Goats
Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland.
As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used.
She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.
These, she explained, are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.
She then asked, “What do you do in America with your old goats?”
A spry old gentleman answered, “They send us on bus tours! ”
Shorts and Late Night
After signing a contract for $325 million this week, Marlins player Giancarlo Stanton celebrated with a $20,000 bottle of Champagne. So let the road to inexplicable bankruptcy begin!
When asked what made the Champagne so expensive, the bartender said, "I heard this guy just made $325 million."
-Jimmy Fallon
I hear JetBlue is reducing leg room by 1.5 inches. Know why? Because so many passengers on JetBlue look around and say, it's so roomy in here! I feel so uncomfortable with all this space.
There will be no Kardashian family Christmas card this year because they couldn't decide on an appropriate photo. I thought, when did the word "appropriate" ever have anything to do with that family?
-David Letterman
Analysts say Obama's new immigration plan will focus on deporting violent criminals. So, this could impact your fantasy football team.
Scientists say the European space probe that landed on the comet has detected organic matter. This means there could be either life in space or a Whole Foods. We just don't know.
This week a group of activists, known as Anonymous, hacked the Twitter account of the KKK. The KKK is furious. They said Anonymous is just a bunch of cowards who don't have the courage to show their faces.
-Conan O’Brien
Germany has overtaken the United States as the world's favorite country. Germany is the most popular country in the world. That is one hell of a comeback.
-Jimmy Kimmel
A man in California was arrested after he stabbed his potential employer during a job interview. Well, at least now he knows where he sees himself in five years.
Justin Bieber will reportedly spend the next two weeks with a pastor to learn how to spread the word of God. “It won’t be easy, but I think it will make me a better person” — said the pastor.
-Seth Meyers
Don't just sit there smiling, share it with the rest of the class ---- Send us your humor BFloyd@ElectricSmarts.com
You are reading the best eNewsletter in the Industry. It is filled with Business Ideas, Product and Technology Tips, Web TV interview, links to Online Courses; and it always contains a few laughs to lighten your day. Sign up your employees or friends below, or send us a list complete with their name, title and email, and we'll sign them up for you.
Click here to subscribe.
