Traveling
A husband and wife were traveling on holiday in Scotland. As they
approached Kirkcudbright, they started arguing about the pronunciation
of the town. The argument raged until they stopped for lunch.
As
they stood in the restaurant, the husband asked the guy behind the
counter: “Can you please settle an argument between me and my wife? How
do you pronounce where we are in?”
The guy leaned over the counter and said: “Burrr… gerrr… kiiing.”
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It was mealtime on a small budget airline. So the flight attendant asked one of the passengers: “Would you like dinner?”
The passenger replied: “What are my choices?”
The flight attendant answered: “Yes or no. All other options have been eliminated due to budget cuts.”
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A big train was traveling across the country. After a while the first engine broke down. The driver continued at half-power, but then the other engine failed and the train came to a standstill. Speaking over the intercom, the driver told the passengers: “I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that both engines have failed and we will be stuck here. The good news is that you decided to take the train instead of an airplane.”
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A husband and wife were relaxing on the beach. Then the wife exclaimed: “Oh my God! I’ve just remembered I left the oven on!”
The husband replied: “Don’t worry about it. I’ve just remembered I left the bath running.”
======
Jack
said to his friend Bob: “I’m ready for a vacation. But this year I’m
going to do it a little differently. The last few years I’ve taken your
advice about where to go. Three years ago you told me to go to Hawaii. I
went to Hawaii and Susan got pregnant. Then two years ago you told me
to go to Italy, and Susan got pregnant again. Last year you suggested
Spain, and guess what? Susan got pregnant again!”
Bob asked: “So what are you going to do differently this year?”
Jack replied: “This year I’m taking Susan with me.”
======
A group of tourists were trapped by an avalanche in Switzerland.
After three hours, a Saint Bernard arrived with a keg of brandy tied under its chin. “Hooray!” cried one of the tourists. “Here comes man’s best friend!”
“Yes,” said another. “And look at the size of the dog that’s bringing it!”
Graduation Quotes
Commencement
speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing college
students should never be released into the world until they have been
properly sedated.
~ Garry Trudeau
So, what's it like in the real world? Well, the food is better, but beyond that, I don't recommend it.
~ Bill Patterson
Graduation: a ritual event where they award you a diploma, in the hope that you have learned enough to be able to read it.
~ Unknown
The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate.
~ Doug Larson
~ Garry Trudeau
So, what's it like in the real world? Well, the food is better, but beyond that, I don't recommend it.
~ Bill Patterson
Graduation: a ritual event where they award you a diploma, in the hope that you have learned enough to be able to read it.
~ Unknown
The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate.
~ Doug Larson
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