A Leisurely Drive
A State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks
to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns
on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are four old ladies — the three passengers are wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?”
The officer replies, “Ma’am, you weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving much slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.”
“Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly...twenty-two miles an hour!” The old woman says, pointing to a sign next to the road.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that the sign was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
“But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? Your passengers seem awfully shaken and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time,” the officer asks.
One Time Too Many
As their legs hang off the side of the building, they open up their packed lunches. The first worker looks at his sandwich and says:
"Damn! A ham sandwich again? If I get one more ham sandwich, I'm jumping off this building!"
The second worker opens his lunch and responds; "You think you've got it bad? I've had nothing but peanut butter sandwiches for 10 years! One more PB sandwich, I'm jumping."
The third guy opens his lunch too, and looks inside.
"What! Another cheese sandwich? That's it. One more of these, and I'm jumping too."
So, the three men shook hands on it, and agreed. The next day, the first worker opens his lunch, sees the ham sandwich, and jumps off the building. The second man sees peanut butter and follows, and the third checks for cheese, then leaps to his death.
At their funeral, the first two mens' wives are crying.
"If he'd only have told me he didn't want ham sandwiches," cries the first wife, "I'd have changed it up!"
"Never once did he mention how much he hated peanut butter," sobbed the second.
Everyone turned to look at the third worker's wife, who throws up her hands.
"Don't look at me!" she says. "The idiot made his own lunch!"
Shorts
I told my girlfriend she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She seemed surprised.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are four old ladies — the three passengers are wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?”
The officer replies, “Ma’am, you weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving much slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.”
“Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly...twenty-two miles an hour!” The old woman says, pointing to a sign next to the road.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that the sign was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
“But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? Your passengers seem awfully shaken and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time,” the officer asks.
“Oh, they’ll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119.”
One Time Too Many
As their legs hang off the side of the building, they open up their packed lunches. The first worker looks at his sandwich and says:
"Damn! A ham sandwich again? If I get one more ham sandwich, I'm jumping off this building!"
The second worker opens his lunch and responds; "You think you've got it bad? I've had nothing but peanut butter sandwiches for 10 years! One more PB sandwich, I'm jumping."
The third guy opens his lunch too, and looks inside.
"What! Another cheese sandwich? That's it. One more of these, and I'm jumping too."
So, the three men shook hands on it, and agreed. The next day, the first worker opens his lunch, sees the ham sandwich, and jumps off the building. The second man sees peanut butter and follows, and the third checks for cheese, then leaps to his death.
At their funeral, the first two mens' wives are crying.
"If he'd only have told me he didn't want ham sandwiches," cries the first wife, "I'd have changed it up!"
"Never once did he mention how much he hated peanut butter," sobbed the second.
Everyone turned to look at the third worker's wife, who throws up her hands.
"Don't look at me!" she says. "The idiot made his own lunch!"
Shorts
I told my girlfriend she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She seemed surprised.
==
My wife thought I would never give our daughter a silly name.
So I decided to call her Bluff.
==
What's the best part about Switzerland?
I don't know, but the flag is a huge plus.
I don't know, but the flag is a huge plus.
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