Broken Elevator
Jay, Tom and Paul were at a convention together sharing a large suite at
the top of a 75-story hotel. After a long day of meetings, they were
shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken, and they
would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room.
Jay said to Tom and Paul, “Let’s break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I’ll tell jokes for 25 flights, Tom can sing songs for the next 25 flights and Paul will tell sad stories for the rest of the way.”
At the 26th floor, Jay stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor, Tom stopped singing and Paul began to tell sad stories.
“I will tell my saddest story first.” he said. “I left the room key in the car.”
The Halloween Surprise
A married couple were invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party.
In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.
His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little fling.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had had. He said, "Oh the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."
Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"
He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I'll tell you... The guy I loaned my costume to sure had a real good time!"
Texting Acronyms Can Stump Even the Best Parents
Mom: Your great-aunt just passed away. LOL
Son: Why is that funny?
Mom: It’s not funny, David! What do you mean?
Son: Mom, LOL means Laughing Out Loud.
Mom: I thought it meant Lots of Love. I have to call everyone back.
Daughter: I got an A in Chemistry.
Mom: WTF!
Daughter: Mom, what do you think WTF means?
Mom: Well That’s Fantastic.
Mom: What do IDK, LY & TTYL mean?
Son: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later.
Mom: OK, I will ask your sister.
Colonoscopy Small Talk
Colonoscopies are important medical procedures that have saved lives. And yet they’re as popular as, well, a colonoscopy. Here are comments purportedly made by patients to physicians during their procedures.
“Now I know how a Muppet feels!”
“Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?”
“Any sign of the trapped miners, chief?”
-Dave Barry
Time to Reboot
My husband was at a dinner with colleagues, and one of them had too much to drink.
Feeling drowsy, the poor man sank back into his chair and said, “I don’t feel good. I’m going into screen saver mode.”
Shorts & Late Night
Did you hear about those five American Muslims who went to Pakistan to become terrorists? They got rejected by al Qaeda because they lacked the proper credentials and references.
Isn't that unbelievable? It's harder to get into al Qaeda than it is to get into the White House.
- Jay Leno
Federal guidelines say that people should exercise two hours a week to stay healthy.
Most Americans fall short of those guideline by about two hours a week.
- Jim Barach
According to the EPA, lead particles in the air in Los Angeles cost six thousand deaths a year.
We call them "bullets."
- Jay Leno
A new report found that people in Luxembourg consume the most alcohol in the world.
The same report found that Luxembourg has the most beautiful women in the world after 10 p.m.
- Jimmy Fallon
Scientists have invented a robotic girlfriend.
The bad part is when, right in the middle of romantic activity, you have to call tech support. You have to be ready to spend thousands and thousands on maintenance and upkeep. It's just like having a real girlfriend.
- David Letterman
An 8-year-old boy in New Jersey is on the terrorism watch list because he has the same name as someone on the no-fly list. His mom says he's been on the no-fly list since he was 2 years old.
But to be fair, how many fliers would like to see all 2-year-olds on the no-fly list?
- Jay Leno
The White House has issued a warning for Americans traveling to Europe of a possible terror attack.
But the joke's on you, terrorists. We can't afford to go to Europe...
- Jimmy Fallon
Worker productivity in the U.S. has grown at the fastest pace in six years.
Mostly because the people who still have jobs are doing all the work of everyone who was laid off.
-Janice Hough
Don't just sit there smiling, share it with the rest of the class ---- Send us your humor BFloyd@ElectricSmarts.com
You are reading the best eNewsletter in the Industry. It is filled with Business Ideas, Product and Technology Tips, Web TV interview, links to Online Courses; and it always contains a few laughs to lighten your day. Sign up your employees or friends below, or send us a list complete with their name, title and email, and we'll sign them up for you.
CLICK HERE to Subscribe
Jay said to Tom and Paul, “Let’s break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I’ll tell jokes for 25 flights, Tom can sing songs for the next 25 flights and Paul will tell sad stories for the rest of the way.”
At the 26th floor, Jay stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor, Tom stopped singing and Paul began to tell sad stories.
“I will tell my saddest story first.” he said. “I left the room key in the car.”
The Halloween Surprise
A married couple were invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party.
In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.
His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little fling.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had had. He said, "Oh the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."
Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"
He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I'll tell you... The guy I loaned my costume to sure had a real good time!"
Texting Acronyms Can Stump Even the Best Parents
Mom: Your great-aunt just passed away. LOL
Son: Why is that funny?
Mom: It’s not funny, David! What do you mean?
Son: Mom, LOL means Laughing Out Loud.
Mom: I thought it meant Lots of Love. I have to call everyone back.
Daughter: I got an A in Chemistry.
Mom: WTF!
Daughter: Mom, what do you think WTF means?
Mom: Well That’s Fantastic.
Mom: What do IDK, LY & TTYL mean?
Son: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later.
Mom: OK, I will ask your sister.
Colonoscopy Small Talk
Colonoscopies are important medical procedures that have saved lives. And yet they’re as popular as, well, a colonoscopy. Here are comments purportedly made by patients to physicians during their procedures.
“Now I know how a Muppet feels!”
“Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?”
“Any sign of the trapped miners, chief?”
-Dave Barry
Time to Reboot
My husband was at a dinner with colleagues, and one of them had too much to drink.
Feeling drowsy, the poor man sank back into his chair and said, “I don’t feel good. I’m going into screen saver mode.”
Shorts & Late Night
Did you hear about those five American Muslims who went to Pakistan to become terrorists? They got rejected by al Qaeda because they lacked the proper credentials and references.
Isn't that unbelievable? It's harder to get into al Qaeda than it is to get into the White House.
- Jay Leno
Federal guidelines say that people should exercise two hours a week to stay healthy.
Most Americans fall short of those guideline by about two hours a week.
- Jim Barach
According to the EPA, lead particles in the air in Los Angeles cost six thousand deaths a year.
We call them "bullets."
- Jay Leno
A new report found that people in Luxembourg consume the most alcohol in the world.
The same report found that Luxembourg has the most beautiful women in the world after 10 p.m.
- Jimmy Fallon
Scientists have invented a robotic girlfriend.
The bad part is when, right in the middle of romantic activity, you have to call tech support. You have to be ready to spend thousands and thousands on maintenance and upkeep. It's just like having a real girlfriend.
- David Letterman
An 8-year-old boy in New Jersey is on the terrorism watch list because he has the same name as someone on the no-fly list. His mom says he's been on the no-fly list since he was 2 years old.
But to be fair, how many fliers would like to see all 2-year-olds on the no-fly list?
- Jay Leno
The White House has issued a warning for Americans traveling to Europe of a possible terror attack.
But the joke's on you, terrorists. We can't afford to go to Europe...
- Jimmy Fallon
Worker productivity in the U.S. has grown at the fastest pace in six years.
Mostly because the people who still have jobs are doing all the work of everyone who was laid off.
-Janice Hough
Don't just sit there smiling, share it with the rest of the class ---- Send us your humor BFloyd@ElectricSmarts.com
You are reading the best eNewsletter in the Industry. It is filled with Business Ideas, Product and Technology Tips, Web TV interview, links to Online Courses; and it always contains a few laughs to lighten your day. Sign up your employees or friends below, or send us a list complete with their name, title and email, and we'll sign them up for you.
CLICK HERE to Subscribe
