The Santa Section
Did you know?
To deliver his gifts in one night, Santa would have to make 822.6 visits per second, sleighing at 3,000 times the speed of sound.
At that speed, Santa and his reindeer would burst into flame instantaneously.
Do You Know Santa's True Profession?
Consider the following:
1. You never actually see Santa, only his "assistants."
2. Santa keeps his job until he decides to retire.
3. Santa doesn't really do the work; he directs a bunch of helpers to do all his work for him, but he's the one who everybody credits with the work.
4. Santa doesn't work anywhere near a 40 hour week.
5. Santa travels a lot.
Santa is obviously a senior faculty Professor with tenure!
At Grandma's
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.
"I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE...
I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO...
I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."
His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf." To which the little brother replied, "No, but Gramma is!"
You Better Be Good
Sarah and her thirteen-year-old sister had been fighting a lot this year. This happens when you combine a headstrong two-year-old, who is sure she is always right, with a young adolescent.
Sarah's parents, trying to take advantage of her newfound interest in Santa Claus, reminded the two-year-old that Santa was watching and doesn't like it when children fight. This had little impact.
"I'll just have to tell Santa about your misbehavior," the mother said as she picked up the phone and dialed. Sarah's eyes grew big as her mother asked "Mrs. Claus" (really Sarah's aunt; Santa's real line was busy) if she could put Santa on the line. Sarah's mouth dropped open as Mom described to Santa (Sarah's uncle) how the two-year-old was acting. But, when Mom said that Santa wanted to talk to her, she reluctantly took the phone.
Santa, in a deepened voice, explained to her how there would be no presents Christmas morning to children who fought with their sisters. He would be watching, and he expected things to be better from now on.
Sarah, now even more wide eyed, solemnly nodded to each of Santa's remarks and silently hung the phone up when he was done. After a long moment, Mom (holding in her chuckles at being so clever) asked, "What did Santa say to you, dear?"
In almost a whisper, Sarah sadly but matter-of-factly stated, "Santa said he won't be bringing toys to my sister this year."
Shorts and Late Night
I want to say happy birthday to Prince Charles, who turned 68 today. His friends got him a cake, which was nice until Queen Elizabeth popped out of it and shouted, “Still here!”
-Jimmy Fallon
Evening news is where they begin with “Good evening,” and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her.
-Agatha Christie
An Elevator Romance
I was alone in an elevator when a girl stepped in with a phone pressed to her ear. “I have to go,” she told the person on the other end.
“There’s a cute guy standing here.” Before I could react, she turned to me and said, “Sorry for lying. I just wanted to end that conversation.”
State Bird
When a Butterball Talk-Line staffer asked a caller what state her turkey was in (meaning how thawed was it) the caller responded with, “Florida.”
Carving the Turkey
A gentleman called Butterball’s Thanksgiving Turkey Talk-Line to tell the operator he cut his turkey in half with a chain saw and wanted to know if the oil from the chain would adversely affect the turkey.
Upside Down Turkey Surprise
A disappointed woman called Butterball’s Thanksgiving Turkey Talk-Line wondering why her turkey had no breast meat. After a conversation with an operator, it became apparent that the woman’s turkey was lying on the table upside down.
Don't just sit there smiling, share it with the rest of the class ---- Send us your humor BFloyd@ElectricSmarts.com
You are reading the best eNewsletter in the Industry. It is filled with Business Ideas, Product and Technology Tips, Web TV interview, links to Online Courses; and it always contains a few laughs to lighten your day. Sign up your employees or friends below, or send us a list complete with their name, title and email, and we'll sign them up for you.
CLICK HERE to Subscribe
To deliver his gifts in one night, Santa would have to make 822.6 visits per second, sleighing at 3,000 times the speed of sound.
At that speed, Santa and his reindeer would burst into flame instantaneously.
Do You Know Santa's True Profession?
Consider the following:
1. You never actually see Santa, only his "assistants."
2. Santa keeps his job until he decides to retire.
3. Santa doesn't really do the work; he directs a bunch of helpers to do all his work for him, but he's the one who everybody credits with the work.
4. Santa doesn't work anywhere near a 40 hour week.
5. Santa travels a lot.
Santa is obviously a senior faculty Professor with tenure!
At Grandma's
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.
"I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE...
I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO...
I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."
His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf." To which the little brother replied, "No, but Gramma is!"
You Better Be Good
Sarah and her thirteen-year-old sister had been fighting a lot this year. This happens when you combine a headstrong two-year-old, who is sure she is always right, with a young adolescent.
Sarah's parents, trying to take advantage of her newfound interest in Santa Claus, reminded the two-year-old that Santa was watching and doesn't like it when children fight. This had little impact.
"I'll just have to tell Santa about your misbehavior," the mother said as she picked up the phone and dialed. Sarah's eyes grew big as her mother asked "Mrs. Claus" (really Sarah's aunt; Santa's real line was busy) if she could put Santa on the line. Sarah's mouth dropped open as Mom described to Santa (Sarah's uncle) how the two-year-old was acting. But, when Mom said that Santa wanted to talk to her, she reluctantly took the phone.
Santa, in a deepened voice, explained to her how there would be no presents Christmas morning to children who fought with their sisters. He would be watching, and he expected things to be better from now on.
Sarah, now even more wide eyed, solemnly nodded to each of Santa's remarks and silently hung the phone up when he was done. After a long moment, Mom (holding in her chuckles at being so clever) asked, "What did Santa say to you, dear?"
In almost a whisper, Sarah sadly but matter-of-factly stated, "Santa said he won't be bringing toys to my sister this year."
Shorts and Late Night
I want to say happy birthday to Prince Charles, who turned 68 today. His friends got him a cake, which was nice until Queen Elizabeth popped out of it and shouted, “Still here!”
-Jimmy Fallon
Evening news is where they begin with “Good evening,” and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her.
-Agatha Christie
An Elevator Romance
I was alone in an elevator when a girl stepped in with a phone pressed to her ear. “I have to go,” she told the person on the other end.
“There’s a cute guy standing here.” Before I could react, she turned to me and said, “Sorry for lying. I just wanted to end that conversation.”
State Bird
When a Butterball Talk-Line staffer asked a caller what state her turkey was in (meaning how thawed was it) the caller responded with, “Florida.”
Carving the Turkey
A gentleman called Butterball’s Thanksgiving Turkey Talk-Line to tell the operator he cut his turkey in half with a chain saw and wanted to know if the oil from the chain would adversely affect the turkey.
Upside Down Turkey Surprise
A disappointed woman called Butterball’s Thanksgiving Turkey Talk-Line wondering why her turkey had no breast meat. After a conversation with an operator, it became apparent that the woman’s turkey was lying on the table upside down.
Don't just sit there smiling, share it with the rest of the class ---- Send us your humor BFloyd@ElectricSmarts.com
You are reading the best eNewsletter in the Industry. It is filled with Business Ideas, Product and Technology Tips, Web TV interview, links to Online Courses; and it always contains a few laughs to lighten your day. Sign up your employees or friends below, or send us a list complete with their name, title and email, and we'll sign them up for you.
CLICK HERE to Subscribe
