The Most Embarrassing Moments Ever
The "Study"
An introvert went to bar and spots a pretty looking woman sitting on the stool.
After a long time he mustered all his courage, then timidly approached and asked her, "Ma’ am, would be OK if I sit here and talk with you?"
She was alert, suspecting this man, and responds by yelling, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"
Customers in the bar started staring at them.
The embarrassed guy quickly returns to his table dejected and ashamed.
The young woman waits a little and then goes to the guy to apologize.
With a smile on her face she says, "I am sorry if I embarrassed you."
"You see, I am a college student in psychiatry and I am putting together a thesis as to how people react to embarrassing moments."
The cunning guy now yells loudly, "You'll do it for $500?"
Cuter Than Expected Picture
A mother was taking a shower when her 2 year old son came into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper.
Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so she ran for my camera and took a few shots.
They came out so well that she had copies made and included one with each of their Christmas cards.
Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically, and suggesting that she take a closer look.
Puzzled, the mother stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to her son, she had captured her reflection in the mirror wearing nothing but a camera!"
Emptying the Doctor's Waiting Room
A patient goes to the doctor's office where, much to his surprise the doctor asks him, "Would you please help me with a problem I'm having?"
"Sure, doctor, what can I do for you?" asks the patient.
"Would you scream in the most earsplitting, piercing screams you can manage?
Try to make it sound as if you're in terrible pain." The doctor says.
"But why, doctor, you've always been gentle with me and your treatments have never caused me any pain?" asks the patient.
"Yes," Says the doctor in a matter-of-fact tone, "but I have a 4 o'clock tee time at the golf course I don't want to miss, and my waiting room is still full of patients."
A Fly-Killer’s Pickle
My three-year-old daughter stuck out her hand and said, “Look at the fly I killed, Mommy.”
Since she was eating a juicy pickle at the time, I thrust her contaminated hands under the faucet and washed them with antibacterial soap.
After sitting her down to finish her pickle, I asked, with a touch of awe, “How did you kill that fly all by yourself?”
Between bites, she said, “I hit it with my pickle.”
Shorts and Late Night
Hillary Clinton’s campaign manager said that based on early voting, they expect this election to have the largest voter turnout in American history. That’s right, more people than ever will go to the polls for their chance to say, “Ugh, I guess...”
New data from the Hubble Space Telescope shows that the universe has two trillion galaxies, which is 10 times more than previously thought. The good news is none of those galaxies are made by Samsung.
Yesterday, Al Gore campaigned for Hillary Clinton at a Florida rally attended by 1,600 people. Unfortunately for Gore, a recount showed that it was only 1,300 people.
-Jimmy Fallon
A new business here in Washington, D.C., opened recently allowing customers to pay $15 to take a 20-minute nap. They’re calling the new service “C-SPAN.”
Trump’s campaign manager, Kellyanne Conway, said this morning that Republicans should decide whether or not they support Donald Trump and “stop pussyfooting around.” That’s the worst choice of words since Abraham Lincoln said, “I need slavery like I need a hole in the head.”
-Seth Meyers
An introvert went to bar and spots a pretty looking woman sitting on the stool.
After a long time he mustered all his courage, then timidly approached and asked her, "Ma’ am, would be OK if I sit here and talk with you?"
She was alert, suspecting this man, and responds by yelling, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"
Customers in the bar started staring at them.
The embarrassed guy quickly returns to his table dejected and ashamed.
The young woman waits a little and then goes to the guy to apologize.
With a smile on her face she says, "I am sorry if I embarrassed you."
"You see, I am a college student in psychiatry and I am putting together a thesis as to how people react to embarrassing moments."
The cunning guy now yells loudly, "You'll do it for $500?"
Cuter Than Expected Picture
A mother was taking a shower when her 2 year old son came into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper.
Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so she ran for my camera and took a few shots.
They came out so well that she had copies made and included one with each of their Christmas cards.
Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically, and suggesting that she take a closer look.
Puzzled, the mother stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to her son, she had captured her reflection in the mirror wearing nothing but a camera!"
Emptying the Doctor's Waiting Room
A patient goes to the doctor's office where, much to his surprise the doctor asks him, "Would you please help me with a problem I'm having?"
"Sure, doctor, what can I do for you?" asks the patient.
"Would you scream in the most earsplitting, piercing screams you can manage?
Try to make it sound as if you're in terrible pain." The doctor says.
"But why, doctor, you've always been gentle with me and your treatments have never caused me any pain?" asks the patient.
"Yes," Says the doctor in a matter-of-fact tone, "but I have a 4 o'clock tee time at the golf course I don't want to miss, and my waiting room is still full of patients."
A Fly-Killer’s Pickle
My three-year-old daughter stuck out her hand and said, “Look at the fly I killed, Mommy.”
Since she was eating a juicy pickle at the time, I thrust her contaminated hands under the faucet and washed them with antibacterial soap.
After sitting her down to finish her pickle, I asked, with a touch of awe, “How did you kill that fly all by yourself?”
Between bites, she said, “I hit it with my pickle.”
Shorts and Late Night
Hillary Clinton’s campaign manager said that based on early voting, they expect this election to have the largest voter turnout in American history. That’s right, more people than ever will go to the polls for their chance to say, “Ugh, I guess...”
New data from the Hubble Space Telescope shows that the universe has two trillion galaxies, which is 10 times more than previously thought. The good news is none of those galaxies are made by Samsung.
Yesterday, Al Gore campaigned for Hillary Clinton at a Florida rally attended by 1,600 people. Unfortunately for Gore, a recount showed that it was only 1,300 people.
-Jimmy Fallon
A new business here in Washington, D.C., opened recently allowing customers to pay $15 to take a 20-minute nap. They’re calling the new service “C-SPAN.”
Trump’s campaign manager, Kellyanne Conway, said this morning that Republicans should decide whether or not they support Donald Trump and “stop pussyfooting around.” That’s the worst choice of words since Abraham Lincoln said, “I need slavery like I need a hole in the head.”
-Seth Meyers
