The Overeater
Although I knew I had put on a few pounds, I didn’t consider myself
overweight until the day I decided to clean my refrigerator.
I sat on a chair in front of the appliance and reached in to wipe the back wall.
While I was in this position, my teenage son came into the kitchen.
“Hi, Mom,” he said. “Whatcha doin’, having lunch?”
I started my diet that day.
Paddy's Text
Paddy sent a text to his wife that said, "I'll be another 20 minutes, having one more pint with the lads. If I'm not home by then, read this text again."
Typo Through the Tulips
I’m not the easiest guy in the world to get along with. So when our anniversary rolled around, I wanted my wife to know how much I appreciated her tolerating me for the past 20 years. I ordered flowers and told the florist to enclose a card that read, “Thanks for putting up with me so long.”
When my wife got the delivery, she called me at work.
“Where are you going?” she asked.
“What do you mean?” I said.
She read the card aloud as the florist had written it: “Thanks for putting up with me. So long.”
Demanding Boca (FL) Women
Yes, Boca women can be overly demanding. This was brought to a head when a young man was serving a table of four of them at a restaurant and concluded the service by presenting the check and asking, "Was ANYTHING alright?"
The New Rules of the Workplace
These office drones know exactly what you’re thinking at work:
You Could've Said "Gender"
I was nine months pregnant and browsing at a garage sale when the homeowner asked me if I knew whether I was having a boy or a girl.
I told her I didn’t.
As I left a few minutes later, she yelled after me, “I hope you get the sex you want!”
Shorts and Late Night
The tax deadline is about five weeks away.
And this year, because of all the budget cuts at the IRS, the odds of getting audited are lower than they’ve been in 13 years. Last year, only .7 percent were audited, down by 16 percent. This year, it’s expected to be lower than that. In other words, there has never been a better time to claim your Chihuahua as a dependent.
-Jimmy Kimmel
Trump’s speech before Congress is actually getting pretty good reviews.
In fact, a CNN poll found that 69 percent of viewers approved of Trump’s speech. Yeah, 69. Trump called the number impressive, while Mike Pence called it inappropriate.
But not everyone was impressed. In fact, many Democrats actually rushed out at the end of Trump’s address. Most were annoyed by Trump’s speech, while Bernie Sanders said, “Drinking a Big Gulp right before was NOT a good idea.”
Snapchat’s IPO launched on the stock market yesterday. Or, to put it another way, something that your parents don’t understand just launched on something YOU don’t understand.
---
Papa John’s is testing a new system that lets customers pay $3 to skip the line and get faster pizza delivery. And for $6, Peyton Manning will throw the pizza at you from a speeding car.
-Jimmy Fallon
Taco Bell has announced that it is creating a hybrid of its Quesalupas and Doritos Locos Tacos, called the Doritos Quesalupa Crunch. Of course, if you can say that, you’re probably not drunk enough to eat it.
-Seth Meyers
In California, an experimental self-driving Uber car drove through six red lights. In other words, it just passed its Los Angeles driving test.
-Conan O’Brien
Don't just sit there smiling, share it with the rest of the class ---- Send us your humor BFloyd@ElectricSmarts.com
You are reading the best eNewsletter in the Industry. It is filled with Business Ideas, Product and Technology Tips, Web TV interview, links to Online Courses; and it always contains a few laughs to lighten your day. Sign up your employees or friends below, or send us a list complete with their name, title and email, and we'll sign them up for you.
CLICK HERE to Subscribe
I sat on a chair in front of the appliance and reached in to wipe the back wall.
While I was in this position, my teenage son came into the kitchen.
“Hi, Mom,” he said. “Whatcha doin’, having lunch?”
I started my diet that day.
Paddy's Text
Paddy sent a text to his wife that said, "I'll be another 20 minutes, having one more pint with the lads. If I'm not home by then, read this text again."
Typo Through the Tulips
I’m not the easiest guy in the world to get along with. So when our anniversary rolled around, I wanted my wife to know how much I appreciated her tolerating me for the past 20 years. I ordered flowers and told the florist to enclose a card that read, “Thanks for putting up with me so long.”
When my wife got the delivery, she called me at work.
“Where are you going?” she asked.
“What do you mean?” I said.
She read the card aloud as the florist had written it: “Thanks for putting up with me. So long.”
Demanding Boca (FL) Women
Yes, Boca women can be overly demanding. This was brought to a head when a young man was serving a table of four of them at a restaurant and concluded the service by presenting the check and asking, "Was ANYTHING alright?"
The New Rules of the Workplace
These office drones know exactly what you’re thinking at work:
- No one likes hearing “agree to disagree.” Why don’t we just say, “You’re wrong, but I don’t feel like fighting about it right now?"
- Sorry, I don’t listen to lectures on being organized from people with 60 icons on their laptop’s desktop.
- Answers to questions asked on the way to the bathroom are not legally binding. People will agree to anything in that situation.
You Could've Said "Gender"
I was nine months pregnant and browsing at a garage sale when the homeowner asked me if I knew whether I was having a boy or a girl.
I told her I didn’t.
As I left a few minutes later, she yelled after me, “I hope you get the sex you want!”
Shorts and Late Night
The tax deadline is about five weeks away.
And this year, because of all the budget cuts at the IRS, the odds of getting audited are lower than they’ve been in 13 years. Last year, only .7 percent were audited, down by 16 percent. This year, it’s expected to be lower than that. In other words, there has never been a better time to claim your Chihuahua as a dependent.
-Jimmy Kimmel
Trump’s speech before Congress is actually getting pretty good reviews.
In fact, a CNN poll found that 69 percent of viewers approved of Trump’s speech. Yeah, 69. Trump called the number impressive, while Mike Pence called it inappropriate.
But not everyone was impressed. In fact, many Democrats actually rushed out at the end of Trump’s address. Most were annoyed by Trump’s speech, while Bernie Sanders said, “Drinking a Big Gulp right before was NOT a good idea.”
Snapchat’s IPO launched on the stock market yesterday. Or, to put it another way, something that your parents don’t understand just launched on something YOU don’t understand.
---
Papa John’s is testing a new system that lets customers pay $3 to skip the line and get faster pizza delivery. And for $6, Peyton Manning will throw the pizza at you from a speeding car.
-Jimmy Fallon
Taco Bell has announced that it is creating a hybrid of its Quesalupas and Doritos Locos Tacos, called the Doritos Quesalupa Crunch. Of course, if you can say that, you’re probably not drunk enough to eat it.
-Seth Meyers
In California, an experimental self-driving Uber car drove through six red lights. In other words, it just passed its Los Angeles driving test.
-Conan O’Brien
Don't just sit there smiling, share it with the rest of the class ---- Send us your humor BFloyd@ElectricSmarts.com
You are reading the best eNewsletter in the Industry. It is filled with Business Ideas, Product and Technology Tips, Web TV interview, links to Online Courses; and it always contains a few laughs to lighten your day. Sign up your employees or friends below, or send us a list complete with their name, title and email, and we'll sign them up for you.
CLICK HERE to Subscribe
