Police Stop
A routine police patrol was parked outside a bar in the Outback. After
last call, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently
intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the
parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After
what seemed an eternity, in which he tried his keys on five different
vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it.
He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off; it was a fine, dry summer night, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little, and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left. At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.
The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, and promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test. To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had not consumed any alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken."
"I doubt it," declared the man with pride. "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."
Jimmy Fallon Asked For Embarrassing Texts From Moms
I once got a text from my mom where “You’re amazing” auto corrected to “You’re adopted.”
@StefenColalillo
On Valentine’s Day last year, my mom texted me, “Enjoy your VD.” Not the best time to abbreviate, Mom.
@HollyLouHarris
My mom once texted me “can you come over? I want you to take a selfie of me.”
Surprising Phone Call
Working as a telemarketer for MCI Communications, I made a call to a Minnesota home one evening. When a boy around eight answered the phone, I identified myself, told him I was calling for MCI and asked to speak to his parents.
As he put the phone down, I heard him yell, “Dad! Dad! The FBI wants to talk to you!”
As soon as the father answered the phone in a quivering voice, I said, “Sir, this is not the FBI; this is MCI Communications.”
After a long pause, the man said, “This is the first time I am actually glad to hear from you guys.”
Ending the Questions
As a single, never-married woman in my 40s, I have been questioned endlessly about my status by friends, relatives and co-workers. Over the years I’ve noticed a subtle change in the nature of their inquiries.
In my teens, friends would ask, “Who are you going out with this weekend?”
In my 20s, relatives would say, “Who are you dating?”
In my 30s, co-workers might inquire, “So, are you dating anyone?”
Now people ask, “Where did you get that adorable purse?”
Shorts and Late Night
The CEO of Starbucks has pledged to hire 10,000 refugees. So if you think they're writing your name incorrectly on the cups now.
-Conan O'Brien
If Donald Trump — think of this, if he stops all the immigrants from coming into the country, where's he going to find his next wife?
-Jimmy Kimmel
So this is our first show of the Trump administration. You ever regret going on vacation? "Take the week off," they said. "America will still be here when you get back," they said. "How much could he do in a week?"
-Stephen Colbert
Donald Trump has named 72-year-old Rudy Giuliani to be his adviser on cyber security. Trump explained, “I’m not up to speed on the latest technology, so I wanted to get somebody two years older.”
-Conan O'Brien
Ben Affleck was patted down by TSA security at Los Angeles International Airport this week. Though when it was over, the woman whispered, “I’m not in the TSA.”
-Jimmy Fallon
Common Thread
A middle school in New Ipswich, New Hampshire, encourages freethinking. A sign outside the school reads, “You are unique—just like everyone else.”
Thanks, I Think
I recently ran into an old student of mine, who said, “I always liked you. You never had favorites. You were mean to everyone.”
Don't just sit there smiling, share it with the rest of the class ---- Send us your humor BFloyd@ElectricSmarts.com
You are reading the best eNewsletter in the Industry. It is filled with Business Ideas, Product and Technology Tips, Web TV interview, links to Online Courses; and it always contains a few laughs to lighten your day. Sign up your employees or friends below, or send us a list complete with their name, title and email, and we'll sign them up for you.
CLICK HERE to Subscribe
He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off; it was a fine, dry summer night, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little, and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left. At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.
The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, and promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test. To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had not consumed any alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken."
"I doubt it," declared the man with pride. "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."
Jimmy Fallon Asked For Embarrassing Texts From Moms
I once got a text from my mom where “You’re amazing” auto corrected to “You’re adopted.”
@StefenColalillo
On Valentine’s Day last year, my mom texted me, “Enjoy your VD.” Not the best time to abbreviate, Mom.
@HollyLouHarris
My mom once texted me “can you come over? I want you to take a selfie of me.”
Surprising Phone Call
Working as a telemarketer for MCI Communications, I made a call to a Minnesota home one evening. When a boy around eight answered the phone, I identified myself, told him I was calling for MCI and asked to speak to his parents.
As he put the phone down, I heard him yell, “Dad! Dad! The FBI wants to talk to you!”
As soon as the father answered the phone in a quivering voice, I said, “Sir, this is not the FBI; this is MCI Communications.”
After a long pause, the man said, “This is the first time I am actually glad to hear from you guys.”
Ending the Questions
As a single, never-married woman in my 40s, I have been questioned endlessly about my status by friends, relatives and co-workers. Over the years I’ve noticed a subtle change in the nature of their inquiries.
In my teens, friends would ask, “Who are you going out with this weekend?”
In my 20s, relatives would say, “Who are you dating?”
In my 30s, co-workers might inquire, “So, are you dating anyone?”
Now people ask, “Where did you get that adorable purse?”
Shorts and Late Night
The CEO of Starbucks has pledged to hire 10,000 refugees. So if you think they're writing your name incorrectly on the cups now.
-Conan O'Brien
If Donald Trump — think of this, if he stops all the immigrants from coming into the country, where's he going to find his next wife?
-Jimmy Kimmel
So this is our first show of the Trump administration. You ever regret going on vacation? "Take the week off," they said. "America will still be here when you get back," they said. "How much could he do in a week?"
-Stephen Colbert
Donald Trump has named 72-year-old Rudy Giuliani to be his adviser on cyber security. Trump explained, “I’m not up to speed on the latest technology, so I wanted to get somebody two years older.”
-Conan O'Brien
Ben Affleck was patted down by TSA security at Los Angeles International Airport this week. Though when it was over, the woman whispered, “I’m not in the TSA.”
-Jimmy Fallon
Common Thread
A middle school in New Ipswich, New Hampshire, encourages freethinking. A sign outside the school reads, “You are unique—just like everyone else.”
Thanks, I Think
I recently ran into an old student of mine, who said, “I always liked you. You never had favorites. You were mean to everyone.”
Don't just sit there smiling, share it with the rest of the class ---- Send us your humor BFloyd@ElectricSmarts.com
You are reading the best eNewsletter in the Industry. It is filled with Business Ideas, Product and Technology Tips, Web TV interview, links to Online Courses; and it always contains a few laughs to lighten your day. Sign up your employees or friends below, or send us a list complete with their name, title and email, and we'll sign them up for you.
CLICK HERE to Subscribe
