Strong Man Contest
A strong young man at a construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone when it comes to pure strength.
He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workers at the job site. After several minutes of ranting, the older worker had had enough.
"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is and challenge me to a strength competition." he said. "I will bet an entire week's pay that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won't be able to wheel back."
"You're on, old man. Let's see what you got." the young boaster replied.
The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right, hop in."
Only One Kiss Per Yard
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl said, "I would like to buy this material for my new dress. How much does it cost?"
"Only one kiss per yard." replied the male clerk with a smirk on his face.
"That's fine." said the girl. "I'll take ten yards."
With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out.
The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old man behind her, and smiled, "Grandpa's gonna pay the bill."
Highway Speed Trap
A state trooper pulled over a car going just 19 miles per hour on the highway. As the officer approached the car, he noticed it was two elderly women and they both looked very pale and wide-eyed.
"Good afternoon ladies. Do you know why I am pulling you over?" asked the trooper.
"I'm terribly sorry if I did something wrong but I know I was not speeding." said the driver.
"Well, that is true, you weren't speeding...but you were going entirely too slow on a highway and that is equally as dangerous."
"No, Officer. I was going exactly the speed limit...19 miles per hour!"
The trooper laughed a little to himself. "Mam', this is Highway 19. That is not the speed limit, but simply the name of this highway."
Very embarrassed, the elderly driver grinned and thanked the trooper over and over for informing her of the mistake.
"But before I let you go, I have to ask... are you guys feeling okay? You both look awfully shaken."
"Oh sure, we will be fine. We just got off of Highway 120."
Be On Time
A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner. A local politician and member of the congregation was to give a speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say a few words while they waited.
"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, screwed over his closest friends, and taken a lot of drugs. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."
Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately started his speech.
"I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived, In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession."
Man Offers To Do Anything She Wants For $20
A woman is sitting at a bar enjoying a drink with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome man enters.
He is so striking that the woman cannot take her eyes off him. The man notices her overly attentive stares and walks directly toward her.
Before she can offer her apologies for rudely staring he leans over and whispers, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything that you want me to do for $20. But only on one condition."
Flabbergasted, the woman asks what the condition is.
"You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."
The woman considers his proposition for a moment and then removes a $20 bill from her purse, which she presses into the man's hand along with her address.
She then looks deeply into his eyes, and slowly, and meaningfully says, "Clean my house!"
A Teenage Dream
My 11-year-old grandson spent a beautiful Saturday playing video games. His older sister tried coaxing him outside by warning, “Someday, you’re going to be 30 years old, single, and living in Mom’s basement playing video games all day!”
Shorts and Late Night
Olympic figure skater Michelle Kwan is now a full-time paid staffer on Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign. While Tonya Harding was hired to take care of any other Democrats who enter the race.
Starbucks may be phasing out cappuccinos after customers began to notice that they've disappeared from some stores across the country. Starbucks plans to focus on its best-selling menu items: milkshakes disguised as coffee.
-Jimmy Fallon
Apple has just announced that from now on, all new iPhones and iPads will require a six-digit passcode. You hear that, hackers? Now instead of typing "1,2,3,4" to hack into my iPhone, you're going to have to type "1,2,3,4,5,6."
A couple of years ago you could use one password for everything. But now you need a different password for everything and when you do come up with one, you get judged. Apple or whoever tells you it's excellent, fair, or weak. When did the Internet turn into Simon Cowell?
-James Corden
A lot of NBA players have tattoos. But Kyrie Irving of the Cavaliers has a tattoo that I've never seen on an NBA player or any other person before. He's got the "Friends" TV show logo on his forearm. That's the kind of tattoo you get when you don't have friends to stop you from making terrible decisions like that.
The Women's World Cup is under way again. Soccer, of course, is the sport in which you're only allowed to use your hands if you're the goalie or taking a bribe.
-Jimmy Kimmel
Presidential hopeful Rand Paul warned the media today that if anyone is mean to his wife during the campaign, they'll have to answer to him. And Hillary Clinton said that if anyone is mean to Bill, that’s totally fine.
Hillary Clinton joined Instagram this afternoon and somehow she's already deleted thousands of photos.
A new study claims that women tend to let handsome men off the hook for things more easily, which is why I'm constantly apologizing.
A new study claims that poor posture caused by texting is becoming an epidemic. I'm not sure if I've been affected, but I have a hunch.
-Seth Meyers
Don't just sit there smiling, share it with the rest of the class ---- Send us your humor BFloyd@ElectricSmarts.com
You are reading the best eNewsletter in the Industry. It is filled with Business Ideas, Product and Technology Tips, Web TV interview, links to Online Courses; and it always contains a few laughs to lighten your day. Sign up your employees or friends below, or send us a list complete with their name, title and email, and we'll sign them up for you.
CLICK HERE to Subscribe
He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workers at the job site. After several minutes of ranting, the older worker had had enough.
"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is and challenge me to a strength competition." he said. "I will bet an entire week's pay that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won't be able to wheel back."
"You're on, old man. Let's see what you got." the young boaster replied.
The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right, hop in."
Only One Kiss Per Yard
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl said, "I would like to buy this material for my new dress. How much does it cost?"
"Only one kiss per yard." replied the male clerk with a smirk on his face.
"That's fine." said the girl. "I'll take ten yards."
With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out.
The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old man behind her, and smiled, "Grandpa's gonna pay the bill."
Highway Speed Trap
A state trooper pulled over a car going just 19 miles per hour on the highway. As the officer approached the car, he noticed it was two elderly women and they both looked very pale and wide-eyed.
"Good afternoon ladies. Do you know why I am pulling you over?" asked the trooper.
"I'm terribly sorry if I did something wrong but I know I was not speeding." said the driver.
"Well, that is true, you weren't speeding...but you were going entirely too slow on a highway and that is equally as dangerous."
"No, Officer. I was going exactly the speed limit...19 miles per hour!"
The trooper laughed a little to himself. "Mam', this is Highway 19. That is not the speed limit, but simply the name of this highway."
Very embarrassed, the elderly driver grinned and thanked the trooper over and over for informing her of the mistake.
"But before I let you go, I have to ask... are you guys feeling okay? You both look awfully shaken."
"Oh sure, we will be fine. We just got off of Highway 120."
Be On Time
A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner. A local politician and member of the congregation was to give a speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say a few words while they waited.
"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, screwed over his closest friends, and taken a lot of drugs. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."
Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately started his speech.
"I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived, In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession."
Man Offers To Do Anything She Wants For $20
A woman is sitting at a bar enjoying a drink with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome man enters.
He is so striking that the woman cannot take her eyes off him. The man notices her overly attentive stares and walks directly toward her.
Before she can offer her apologies for rudely staring he leans over and whispers, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything that you want me to do for $20. But only on one condition."
Flabbergasted, the woman asks what the condition is.
"You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."
The woman considers his proposition for a moment and then removes a $20 bill from her purse, which she presses into the man's hand along with her address.
She then looks deeply into his eyes, and slowly, and meaningfully says, "Clean my house!"
A Teenage Dream
My 11-year-old grandson spent a beautiful Saturday playing video games. His older sister tried coaxing him outside by warning, “Someday, you’re going to be 30 years old, single, and living in Mom’s basement playing video games all day!”
Shorts and Late Night
Olympic figure skater Michelle Kwan is now a full-time paid staffer on Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign. While Tonya Harding was hired to take care of any other Democrats who enter the race.
Starbucks may be phasing out cappuccinos after customers began to notice that they've disappeared from some stores across the country. Starbucks plans to focus on its best-selling menu items: milkshakes disguised as coffee.
-Jimmy Fallon
Apple has just announced that from now on, all new iPhones and iPads will require a six-digit passcode. You hear that, hackers? Now instead of typing "1,2,3,4" to hack into my iPhone, you're going to have to type "1,2,3,4,5,6."
A couple of years ago you could use one password for everything. But now you need a different password for everything and when you do come up with one, you get judged. Apple or whoever tells you it's excellent, fair, or weak. When did the Internet turn into Simon Cowell?
-James Corden
A lot of NBA players have tattoos. But Kyrie Irving of the Cavaliers has a tattoo that I've never seen on an NBA player or any other person before. He's got the "Friends" TV show logo on his forearm. That's the kind of tattoo you get when you don't have friends to stop you from making terrible decisions like that.
The Women's World Cup is under way again. Soccer, of course, is the sport in which you're only allowed to use your hands if you're the goalie or taking a bribe.
-Jimmy Kimmel
Presidential hopeful Rand Paul warned the media today that if anyone is mean to his wife during the campaign, they'll have to answer to him. And Hillary Clinton said that if anyone is mean to Bill, that’s totally fine.
Hillary Clinton joined Instagram this afternoon and somehow she's already deleted thousands of photos.
A new study claims that women tend to let handsome men off the hook for things more easily, which is why I'm constantly apologizing.
A new study claims that poor posture caused by texting is becoming an epidemic. I'm not sure if I've been affected, but I have a hunch.
-Seth Meyers
Don't just sit there smiling, share it with the rest of the class ---- Send us your humor BFloyd@ElectricSmarts.com
You are reading the best eNewsletter in the Industry. It is filled with Business Ideas, Product and Technology Tips, Web TV interview, links to Online Courses; and it always contains a few laughs to lighten your day. Sign up your employees or friends below, or send us a list complete with their name, title and email, and we'll sign them up for you.
CLICK HERE to Subscribe
