When An Electrician Dies
This electrical contractor guy dies in a tragic accident on his 40th
birthday. He ascends to heaven where he's greeted at the Pearly Gates by
a brass band and Saint Peter.
Saint Peter shakes the guys hand warmly, and says "Congratulations!"
The contractor is a little confused. "Congratulations for what?" he asks.
"Congratulations for what!?" says Saint Peter. "We're celebrating the fact you lived to the grand old age of 160.”
The contractor says, "But that's not right - I only lived to be 40."
"That’s impossible." says Saint Peter. "We added up your time sheets!"
That Springtime Smell
I had spent the late winter months waiting impatiently for signs of spring.
When the first warm, sunny Saturday arrived I eagerly unlocked the storm door and stepped onto our patio deck.
I was pleased by the sight of green sprouts and the sounds of singing birds.
More than anything else, I delighted in the sweet aroma of the spring air.
Knocking on the kitchen window, I beckoned to my wife to join me in enjoying the pleasures of the season.
She quietly brought me back to earth when she reminded me that I was standing over the dryer vent, inhaling the scent of fabric softener.
War and the Contractor
This young city worker is sitting at the bar after work one night, when this big construction worker sits down next to him.
They get to talking over their beers and eventually the conversation gets on to nuclear war.
The young city guy says to the construction worker, "If you hear the sirens go off, the missiles are on their way, and you've only got 20 minutes left to live, what would you do?"
The construction worker replies, "That's easy - I'm gonna make it with anything that moves."
The construction worker then asks the other guy what he'd do.
He replies, "I'm going to try and keep perfectly still."
Wife's Affair?
Paddy is talking to two of his friends at work.
His first friend confides to the other two, "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."
The second friend then also confides, "Wow, me too! I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber. The other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."
Paddy thinks for a minute and then says, "You know - I think my wife is having an affair with a horse."
Both his friends look at him in complete disbelief.
Paddy sees them looking at him and says, "No, seriously. The other day I came home early and found a jockey under our bed."
The Perils of Vision
“Those frames are so flattering.” I assured my sister.
She’d just gotten new glasses after 25 years and wasn’t happy with them.
“They’re OK,” she said, staring gloomily at herself in the mirror.
“Can you see better?”
“Yeah, I can see better.”
“So what’s wrong?”
“Well, for one thing,” she said, “I thought I was still cute.”
I Was Visiting My Mother
I was visiting my mother one day, when she passed the candy dish full of chocolates and took one for herself.
“I thought your doctor told you to stop eating candy.” I said.
“Oh, I don’t have to listen to him anymore.” she replied.
“Why not?”
“He died.”
All That For a Latte?
In the British documentary 56 Up, a man shared that he had earned a law degree at Oxford.
Then, in his thick English accent, he proudly proclaimed that he was now a “barrister.”
My 13-year-old daughter wasn’t impressed.
“So,” she said, “he spent all that effort getting an Oxford law degree, and now he works at Starbucks?”
Fast Friends
My husband was driving home from work when he was pulled over for not wearing a seat belt.
Two days later—same ticket, same cop.
“So,” the officer said, “have you learned anything?”
“Yes, I have.” said my husband. “I’ve learned I need to take a different way home from work.”
Shorts and Late Night
No Senior Citizen Discounts – You’ve had twice as long to get the money
Why is Christmas day just like a day at a construction site?
You end up doing all the work and some fat guy in a suit takes all the credit.
No, we do not have Wi-Fi. Talk to each other!
Teach your kids about taxes. Eat 30% of their ice cream.
Alcohol may not solve your problems, but neither will water or milk.
Respect your parents. They passed school without Google.
My daughter wants a Cinderella themed party, so I invited all her friends over and made them clean my house.
Preacher officiating modern wedding: I now pronounce you husband and wife! You may update your Facebook status!
Don't just sit there smiling, share it with the rest of the class ---- Send us your humor BFloyd@ElectricSmarts.com
You are reading the best eNewsletter in the Industry. It is filled with Business Ideas, Product and Technology Tips, Web TV interview, links to Online Courses; and it always contains a few laughs to lighten your day. Sign up your employees or friends below, or send us a list complete with their name, title and email, and we'll sign them up for you.
CLICK HERE to Subscribe
Saint Peter shakes the guys hand warmly, and says "Congratulations!"
The contractor is a little confused. "Congratulations for what?" he asks.
"Congratulations for what!?" says Saint Peter. "We're celebrating the fact you lived to the grand old age of 160.”
The contractor says, "But that's not right - I only lived to be 40."
"That’s impossible." says Saint Peter. "We added up your time sheets!"
That Springtime Smell
I had spent the late winter months waiting impatiently for signs of spring.
When the first warm, sunny Saturday arrived I eagerly unlocked the storm door and stepped onto our patio deck.
I was pleased by the sight of green sprouts and the sounds of singing birds.
More than anything else, I delighted in the sweet aroma of the spring air.
Knocking on the kitchen window, I beckoned to my wife to join me in enjoying the pleasures of the season.
She quietly brought me back to earth when she reminded me that I was standing over the dryer vent, inhaling the scent of fabric softener.
War and the Contractor
This young city worker is sitting at the bar after work one night, when this big construction worker sits down next to him.
They get to talking over their beers and eventually the conversation gets on to nuclear war.
The young city guy says to the construction worker, "If you hear the sirens go off, the missiles are on their way, and you've only got 20 minutes left to live, what would you do?"
The construction worker replies, "That's easy - I'm gonna make it with anything that moves."
The construction worker then asks the other guy what he'd do.
He replies, "I'm going to try and keep perfectly still."
Wife's Affair?
Paddy is talking to two of his friends at work.
His first friend confides to the other two, "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."
The second friend then also confides, "Wow, me too! I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber. The other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."
Paddy thinks for a minute and then says, "You know - I think my wife is having an affair with a horse."
Both his friends look at him in complete disbelief.
Paddy sees them looking at him and says, "No, seriously. The other day I came home early and found a jockey under our bed."
The Perils of Vision
“Those frames are so flattering.” I assured my sister.
She’d just gotten new glasses after 25 years and wasn’t happy with them.
“They’re OK,” she said, staring gloomily at herself in the mirror.
“Can you see better?”
“Yeah, I can see better.”
“So what’s wrong?”
“Well, for one thing,” she said, “I thought I was still cute.”
I Was Visiting My Mother
I was visiting my mother one day, when she passed the candy dish full of chocolates and took one for herself.
“I thought your doctor told you to stop eating candy.” I said.
“Oh, I don’t have to listen to him anymore.” she replied.
“Why not?”
“He died.”
All That For a Latte?
In the British documentary 56 Up, a man shared that he had earned a law degree at Oxford.
Then, in his thick English accent, he proudly proclaimed that he was now a “barrister.”
My 13-year-old daughter wasn’t impressed.
“So,” she said, “he spent all that effort getting an Oxford law degree, and now he works at Starbucks?”
Fast Friends
My husband was driving home from work when he was pulled over for not wearing a seat belt.
Two days later—same ticket, same cop.
“So,” the officer said, “have you learned anything?”
“Yes, I have.” said my husband. “I’ve learned I need to take a different way home from work.”
Shorts and Late Night
No Senior Citizen Discounts – You’ve had twice as long to get the money
Why is Christmas day just like a day at a construction site?
You end up doing all the work and some fat guy in a suit takes all the credit.
No, we do not have Wi-Fi. Talk to each other!
Teach your kids about taxes. Eat 30% of their ice cream.
Alcohol may not solve your problems, but neither will water or milk.
Respect your parents. They passed school without Google.
My daughter wants a Cinderella themed party, so I invited all her friends over and made them clean my house.
Preacher officiating modern wedding: I now pronounce you husband and wife! You may update your Facebook status!
Don't just sit there smiling, share it with the rest of the class ---- Send us your humor BFloyd@ElectricSmarts.com
You are reading the best eNewsletter in the Industry. It is filled with Business Ideas, Product and Technology Tips, Web TV interview, links to Online Courses; and it always contains a few laughs to lighten your day. Sign up your employees or friends below, or send us a list complete with their name, title and email, and we'll sign them up for you.
CLICK HERE to Subscribe
