Oops, Fell For It
A police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance.
The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more, he boasted that he could whip the officer and the "Heavy Weight Boxing Champion of the World."
Said the policeman, "I'll bet that you're also an escape artist too, probably better than Houdini."
The giant nodded.
"If I had some chains," the officer continued, "you could show us how strong you really are. But all I've got is a set of handcuffs. Why don't you see just how quickly you can break out of them?"
Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes.
"I can't get out of these," the giant growled.
"Are you sure?" the officer asked.
The fellow tried again. "Nope," he replied. "I can't do it."
"In that case," said the officer, "you're under arrest."
But Officer...
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
"But officer." the man began, "I can explain".
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back..."
"But officer, I just wanted to say...."
"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."
Shorts
Airlines sending me “we’re in this together” emails. When my suitcase was 52 pounds I was on my own.
@mikedentale
==
My daughter and her neighbor friend spend a lot of the day sitting 6 feet away from the sidewalk, shouting compliments out at strangers who walk by. It's the right mood for these times.
Just overheard: "YOUR SHIRT MATCHES YOUR DOG AND I LIKE THAT ABOUT YOU!"
@bretjturner
==
If you had to choose between a workout or a nap at lunch which would you choose and how long would you sleep for?
@itssamg
The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more, he boasted that he could whip the officer and the "Heavy Weight Boxing Champion of the World."
Said the policeman, "I'll bet that you're also an escape artist too, probably better than Houdini."
The giant nodded.
"If I had some chains," the officer continued, "you could show us how strong you really are. But all I've got is a set of handcuffs. Why don't you see just how quickly you can break out of them?"
Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes.
"I can't get out of these," the giant growled.
"Are you sure?" the officer asked.
The fellow tried again. "Nope," he replied. "I can't do it."
"In that case," said the officer, "you're under arrest."
Nothing Personal
"I hope you didn't take it personally, Reverend," an embarrassed woman said after a church service, "when my husband walked out during your sermon."
"I did find it rather disconcerting," the preacher replied.
"It's not a reflection on you," insisted the church goer. "Ralph has been been walking in his sleep since childhood."
"I hope you didn't take it personally, Reverend," an embarrassed woman said after a church service, "when my husband walked out during your sermon."
"I did find it rather disconcerting," the preacher replied.
"It's not a reflection on you," insisted the church goer. "Ralph has been been walking in his sleep since childhood."
But Officer...
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
"But officer." the man began, "I can explain".
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back..."
"But officer, I just wanted to say...."
"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."
Shorts
Airlines sending me “we’re in this together” emails. When my suitcase was 52 pounds I was on my own.
@mikedentale
==
My daughter and her neighbor friend spend a lot of the day sitting 6 feet away from the sidewalk, shouting compliments out at strangers who walk by. It's the right mood for these times.
Just overheard: "YOUR SHIRT MATCHES YOUR DOG AND I LIKE THAT ABOUT YOU!"
@bretjturner
==
If you had to choose between a workout or a nap at lunch which would you choose and how long would you sleep for?
@itssamg
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