Bragging About Their Sons
Three old ladies are sitting around a table playing bridge and bragging about their sons.
“My Freddie,” said Margaret, “Everyone should be so lucky to have a son like my Freddie. Once a week he brings me a huge bouquet of flowers, he’s constantly bringing me out to restaurants to eat, if I so much as hint that I want something the next morning it’s on my doorstep.”
“That’s very nice about your Freddie.” says Gertrude. “But with all due respect, when I think about the way my Sammy takes care of me, it just can’t compare. Every morning as soon as I wake up he greets me with bacon and freshly brewed coffee. Every lunch he comes over and cooks me a gourmet lunch, and every supper he brings me to his house, he truly treats me like a queen.”
The Landlord
Shorts
“My Freddie,” said Margaret, “Everyone should be so lucky to have a son like my Freddie. Once a week he brings me a huge bouquet of flowers, he’s constantly bringing me out to restaurants to eat, if I so much as hint that I want something the next morning it’s on my doorstep.”
“That’s very nice about your Freddie.” says Gertrude. “But with all due respect, when I think about the way my Sammy takes care of me, it just can’t compare. Every morning as soon as I wake up he greets me with bacon and freshly brewed coffee. Every lunch he comes over and cooks me a gourmet lunch, and every supper he brings me to his house, he truly treats me like a queen.”
“WELL!” Says Barbara “I
don’t want to make any of you feel bad or anything, but wait until you
hear about my Harry, twice a week he pays someone $200 an hour just so
he can lie on their couch and talk to them, and who do you think he
speaks about at those prices?" Asks Barbara with a big excited double
chin smile, “I’ll tell you who he speaks about! ALL HE SPEAKS ABOUT IS
ME!”
The Landlord
“Sir
you have got to help!” said the tearful man at the door. “There is a
family that I know very well that is in desperate need of money. The
Father has been out of a job for over a year, they have five kids at
home with barely a bit of food to eat. The worst part is, that they are
about to kicked out of the house and they will be left on the streets
without a roof over their heads!” The man concluded with one last heart
wrenching sob.
“Well,” said the man at the door, “that really is a sad story. Why don’t you come inside and we’ll talk about it a little more.”
“So how much money is needed exactly?” asked the man when they were both seated.
“Oh it’s really terrible”, said the man starting up again, “why just for the rent $3000 is needed by tomorrow otherwise they’ll be kicked out onto the streets.”
“How do you know so much about this situation?” asked the man as he reached for his check book.
“Well,” said the man breaking down once more “they are my tenants.”
“Well,” said the man at the door, “that really is a sad story. Why don’t you come inside and we’ll talk about it a little more.”
“So how much money is needed exactly?” asked the man when they were both seated.
“Oh it’s really terrible”, said the man starting up again, “why just for the rent $3000 is needed by tomorrow otherwise they’ll be kicked out onto the streets.”
“How do you know so much about this situation?” asked the man as he reached for his check book.
“Well,” said the man breaking down once more “they are my tenants.”
Shorts
“Boss, I’ve got a probl..”
Boss: There’s no such thing as a problem. There are only opportunities.
Man: "Oh ok. Then I have a serious drug opportunity."
Boss: There’s no such thing as a problem. There are only opportunities.
Man: "Oh ok. Then I have a serious drug opportunity."
==
I was recently diagnosed with colour blindness.
It came out of the green.
It came out of the green.
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