Most Open-Minded
From the Onion (America's Finest Fake News Site)
Progressive Company Pays Both Men and Women 78 Percent of What They Should Be Earning
SEATTLE—Stressing the importance of treating all its staff members equally, technology firm Northstar Solutions described to reporters Wednesday its strict policy of paying both male and female workers 78 percent of what they should be earning.
“At Northstar, we believe that employees who contribute the same level of hard work for the same duties should earn the same fraction of a reasonable wage, regardless of whether they’re men or women,” said the company’s CEO, Jack Stargell, who noted that every staff member’s compensation package was routinely reviewed to ensure that personnel with comparable experience and job responsibilities were being equivalently underpaid.
===
Great Work-Home Ratio
Laid-Back Company Allows Employees to Work from Home After 6 p.m.
GRESHAM, OR—Underscoring the benefits of working for a laid-back company like SocialFire Marketing, founder and CEO Matt Avalon told reporters Tuesday he had instituted an officewide policy permitting employees to work from home any time after 6 p.m.
“If it helps them be efficient and get more done, I have no problem with people working remotely once they’ve left the office for the day,” said Avalon.
“That’s the kind of relaxed culture we strive to create here—one where you can even be working from your living room couch at two in the morning if you’d like.”
Avalon added that employees are free to work from home on weekends and holidays as well.
Wife Texts Her handy Husband on a Cold Winter Morning
"WINDOWS FROZEN ~ WON'T OPEN"...
Husband texts back:
"GENTLY POUR SOME LUKEWARM WATER OVER THE EDGES AND THEN TAP EDGES SHARPLY WITH HAMMER"......
Wife texts back 5 minutes later:
..
"LAPTOP REALLY DEAD NOW."
Hear No Evil
Pat Tornatore
It was a typical noisy dinner at my parents’ home, and Dad was having trouble following the conversations.
He kept jumping in with off-topic comments and asking for things to be repeated. I finally told him he needed to get a hearing aid.
Looking at me as if I were crazy, he said, “What would I do with a hand grenade?”
Driven to Distraction
Tamara Encke
My mother and father were driving when she was pulled over by the police. Mom was in a hurry and told the officer so.
“I understand, ma’am,” he said. “But I have to ticket anyone over 55.”
Mom was beside herself. “That’s discrimination!” she shouted.
The officer calmly explained, “I meant the speed limit.”
Oh, Deer
Sandy Feinstein
One year, the family went to the Radio City Music Hall Christmas Spectacular. The Rockettes represented reindeer by wearing headband antlers. At the end of the show, I asked my husband, a biologist, what he thought.
“The antlers were wrong,” he said.
“What?” I asked incredulously.
“Reindeer have palmate antlers. Those were white-tailed bucks’ antlers.”
I knew he wasn’t kidding. I just couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed anything below the antlers.
With a Side of Argument
Angel Salamanca
We were in a restaurant, perusing the menu, when I let my husband know that he rarely paid attention to me when I spoke.
Well, of course he disagreed, so we went back to reading our menus in chilly silence.
After a few uncomfortable minutes, I said, “I think I’m getting a headache.”
He responded, “Go ahead, sweetheart; get whatever you want.”
Shorts
After his big win in New Hampshire, they say Hillary's team is trying to dig up dirt on Bernie Sanders. You know what you call someone who digs up dirt on Bernie Sanders? An archaeologist.
According to a recent study of college students, some TV shows help viewers become kinder and more generous people. For instance, every time after I watch "The Bachelor" I always put more money into my daughters' college funds.
Another big story in LA right now is that it’s Kobe Bryant’s last season with the Lakers, and I read that he set a new NBA record for the most seasons with a single team. Kobe and the Lakers have been together for 20 years, which is actually longer than any other couple in Los Angeles.
-Jimmy Fallon
If I told you two years ago that Donald Trump would be in a fight with the Pope you'd think I was insane. I mean this makes Taylor Swift versus Kanye West look like nothing.
-Jimmy Kimmel
Chris Christie announced yesterday that he's dropping out of the presidential race. Christie said he's not sure what he'll do now, and then someone reminded him he's still the governor of New Jersey.
It's been reported that infamous drug lord El Chapo will stand trial in Brooklyn. Though I'm not sure it's a good idea to try him in a place that already has, like, five tunnels
-Seth Meyers
Don't just sit there smiling, share it with the rest of the class ---- Send us your humor BFloyd@ElectricSmarts.com
You are reading the best eNewsletter in the Industry. It is filled with Business Ideas, Product and Technology Tips, Web TV interview, links to Online Courses; and it always contains a few laughs to lighten your day. Sign up your employees or friends below, or send us a list complete with their name, title and email, and we'll sign them up for you.
CLICK HERE to Subscribe
Progressive Company Pays Both Men and Women 78 Percent of What They Should Be Earning
SEATTLE—Stressing the importance of treating all its staff members equally, technology firm Northstar Solutions described to reporters Wednesday its strict policy of paying both male and female workers 78 percent of what they should be earning.
“At Northstar, we believe that employees who contribute the same level of hard work for the same duties should earn the same fraction of a reasonable wage, regardless of whether they’re men or women,” said the company’s CEO, Jack Stargell, who noted that every staff member’s compensation package was routinely reviewed to ensure that personnel with comparable experience and job responsibilities were being equivalently underpaid.
===
Great Work-Home Ratio
Laid-Back Company Allows Employees to Work from Home After 6 p.m.
GRESHAM, OR—Underscoring the benefits of working for a laid-back company like SocialFire Marketing, founder and CEO Matt Avalon told reporters Tuesday he had instituted an officewide policy permitting employees to work from home any time after 6 p.m.
“If it helps them be efficient and get more done, I have no problem with people working remotely once they’ve left the office for the day,” said Avalon.
“That’s the kind of relaxed culture we strive to create here—one where you can even be working from your living room couch at two in the morning if you’d like.”
Avalon added that employees are free to work from home on weekends and holidays as well.
Wife Texts Her handy Husband on a Cold Winter Morning
"WINDOWS FROZEN ~ WON'T OPEN"...
Husband texts back:
"GENTLY POUR SOME LUKEWARM WATER OVER THE EDGES AND THEN TAP EDGES SHARPLY WITH HAMMER"......
Wife texts back 5 minutes later:
..
"LAPTOP REALLY DEAD NOW."
Hear No Evil
Pat Tornatore
It was a typical noisy dinner at my parents’ home, and Dad was having trouble following the conversations.
He kept jumping in with off-topic comments and asking for things to be repeated. I finally told him he needed to get a hearing aid.
Looking at me as if I were crazy, he said, “What would I do with a hand grenade?”
Driven to Distraction
Tamara Encke
My mother and father were driving when she was pulled over by the police. Mom was in a hurry and told the officer so.
“I understand, ma’am,” he said. “But I have to ticket anyone over 55.”
Mom was beside herself. “That’s discrimination!” she shouted.
The officer calmly explained, “I meant the speed limit.”
Oh, Deer
Sandy Feinstein
One year, the family went to the Radio City Music Hall Christmas Spectacular. The Rockettes represented reindeer by wearing headband antlers. At the end of the show, I asked my husband, a biologist, what he thought.
“The antlers were wrong,” he said.
“What?” I asked incredulously.
“Reindeer have palmate antlers. Those were white-tailed bucks’ antlers.”
I knew he wasn’t kidding. I just couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed anything below the antlers.
With a Side of Argument
Angel Salamanca
We were in a restaurant, perusing the menu, when I let my husband know that he rarely paid attention to me when I spoke.
Well, of course he disagreed, so we went back to reading our menus in chilly silence.
After a few uncomfortable minutes, I said, “I think I’m getting a headache.”
He responded, “Go ahead, sweetheart; get whatever you want.”
Shorts
After his big win in New Hampshire, they say Hillary's team is trying to dig up dirt on Bernie Sanders. You know what you call someone who digs up dirt on Bernie Sanders? An archaeologist.
According to a recent study of college students, some TV shows help viewers become kinder and more generous people. For instance, every time after I watch "The Bachelor" I always put more money into my daughters' college funds.
Another big story in LA right now is that it’s Kobe Bryant’s last season with the Lakers, and I read that he set a new NBA record for the most seasons with a single team. Kobe and the Lakers have been together for 20 years, which is actually longer than any other couple in Los Angeles.
-Jimmy Fallon
If I told you two years ago that Donald Trump would be in a fight with the Pope you'd think I was insane. I mean this makes Taylor Swift versus Kanye West look like nothing.
-Jimmy Kimmel
Chris Christie announced yesterday that he's dropping out of the presidential race. Christie said he's not sure what he'll do now, and then someone reminded him he's still the governor of New Jersey.
It's been reported that infamous drug lord El Chapo will stand trial in Brooklyn. Though I'm not sure it's a good idea to try him in a place that already has, like, five tunnels
-Seth Meyers
Don't just sit there smiling, share it with the rest of the class ---- Send us your humor BFloyd@ElectricSmarts.com
You are reading the best eNewsletter in the Industry. It is filled with Business Ideas, Product and Technology Tips, Web TV interview, links to Online Courses; and it always contains a few laughs to lighten your day. Sign up your employees or friends below, or send us a list complete with their name, title and email, and we'll sign them up for you.
CLICK HERE to Subscribe
